Pics from Rafting

This was taken when we were registering to go white water rafting, quite obviously I'm the overly exhausted one with the arrow pointing to my head (...as if the rack wouldn't give it away either...)
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After rafting, starting the drinking party early...(arrow, again) The scenery was absolutely beautiful
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Smashed out of my fucking tree. Notice the double fisting action of the double Malibu's and Ice Teas - unfort. buddy cut the rest of my drunken ass out with his hat. The man labeled "The Hotty" is the gorgeous kayaker (sp?) that tried to get up in this business but was too fucking annoying and immature to get anywhere.
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Friday = DOOMSDAY!

I'm packing up and leaving this goddamn sesspool I've called a home for the past year on Friday so I will not have the internet again until Monday morning.

Just updating you.


Flying Fucking High

An ad on TV amused me today, it said "If you have taken Xanandadadaswhatever you may be entitled to a settlement if you are suffering from any of the following: Gastric pains, Aching Limbs, etc etc or death"

Suffering from death?

Doesn't death imply finito - fini - finishimo - its all over?

How the fuck are you suffering from death unless your family ran off with the burial money, threw you out the back of a pick up truck and let the wolves have you.

Maybe then I could see you suffering.

I told my family the other nite that if they ever did that to me I'd haunt them for the rest of their lives and if they think I'm a drama queen now just wait until I have no physical body - Id be a fucking Paranormal Star Jones Reynolds on their asses.

I'm fucking sick and tired of living in this Right - Wing Government town so I think I need a vacation. A place where the Conservative stick in the asses Harper-Humpers do not reside. A place where I can say "Homosexual" and hear "Fabulous!" instead of "We're heading to Hell in a handbasket Mabel, I tells ya".

Oh and lets not forget ladies, wrap that shit up because if you get preggers, well.... Dr. Harper and his Merry Band of Idiots don't approve of free choice so keep those legs closed ladies, grab a sign and head on over with the rest of the Brady Bunch protesting for Pro Life outside of the Parliment Buildings

Seriously, I see it at least twice a week, pictures of dead fetuses and big red circles with lines through them. Its really quite a spectacle.

I have no idea what has happened in the past year since I've lived in Ottawa. Ottawa used to be fun, I used to be excited to go out instead of worrying about whether or not I'd be sucker punched in front of Elgin St. Diner and die on the way to the hospital because some hopped up Gino on steriods decided he didn't want you to get his eggs before him. I was there.

Now I can't even get into a bar without either being surronded by 16 year olds on mushrooms or Young Yuppies high on a serious highball of coke and alcohol. It really makes you not want to leave your apartment. Id rather buy a 6 pack and drink in the comfort of my own home where I know the kids and their drugs and their switchblades won't be.

Street kids, who are 2 days of shy of turning 21, can't even sleep under their bridges and bus terminals without being stabbed to death because they told some guy to stop pissing on the little belongings that they have. Street kids who are mostly there because of a drug addiction that everyone's turned their backs on, because mommy's new boyfriend doesn't like the little bastard and wants him out of the house, because daddy has taken a shinning to whipping his little girl after he sexually molests her and because everyone has given up hope on the forgotten kids that just try to survive.

It really is a shame, a goddamn shame


At the end of the story the frog doesn't always turn into a Prince Charming

Busy busy busy busy girl....between working and all this moving business I havent had much time to myself

While all my girlfriends have moved onwards to better things ie. jobs that don't require them to come home exhausted and defeated at 3 am reeking of whiskey and gin I've been squandering shit loads of cash from my toils.

Which sounds great, but in the end I have no party life, no me life and defintely no love life.

Its quite sad actually, the only people who ever ask me out are freaks screaming from their cars as they race pass me on the street or drunken 60 year old Englishmen who call me a "fit bird" all nite. Hell, my ferret's been getting more play with her toy mouse than I have.

I actually went on a couple of dates with this guy I met through friends a little while ago and he turned out to be a complete idiot who was more concerned about the color of my panties than me in general (for the record, he never found out) Ottawa is such a crapshoot when it comes to finding a member of the opposite sex

Either they're taken or gay.

Or they're assholes, still live at home with Momma, Satan Worshippers or egotists

Believe me, I've probably met them all

There is however this young man who works at the tattoo shop I'm going to on Thursday nite that I have been absolutely enamoured with since I first caught site of his tattooed, crazy haired, peirced body. Mind you, I think he'd take one look at me and assume I'm the head of the fucking Glee Club so I sincerely doubt I would be his type

That and I heard he has a penchant for dark haired strippers

Regardless, it doesn't hurt to try

If this goddman apartment isn't rocking soon, and nobody comes a knocking I may just throw myself off my balcony.


Id like to block all thoughts of you so I don't lose my head...

It never ceases to amaze me, human nature that is.

People are so conniving, so deceitful, so goddamn selfish its incredible that this planet is still turning.

Seriously, I can't get over just how evil human beings can be if they put their mind to it. I've come up with this theory that we are all assholes by nature and we only are nice to each other when:

a) We want something


b) We're too lazy to be outright assholes

Perfect example: I work in a bar run by women. Every bartender, waitress and hostess is a woman. We prance around with this fancy little facade that we're all such wonderful friends that sing Kumbaya around the campfire while braiding each others hair

Then you turn your back for one second and BAM!

"Did you see what she was wearing tonite? She's too fat too pull that off?"

"Did you hear what she said to so-and-so? What a bitch, who the hell does she think she is?"

"Oh my god, you'll never believe what I heard! So and so slept with so and so's friend and now so and so is such a huge slut...oh wait here she comes now...Oh my god so and so I love what you did with your hair today! It looks so pretty"

Last nite the girls at work were bitching about how one of them got to go home before the other one and I was sick of fucking hearing it. EVERY goddamn shift I come into work on Fri - Sat - Sun I'm there until 3 am no matter what. So it pisses me off when the girls bitch and complain about going home in front of my bar when my ass is there until 3 am regardless. I dont even get the option of potentialy going home when its a slow nite, or when there is nobody at my bar

It really gets my muffins when I hear them bitch.

Last nite I finally said something and they were like, "Oh you're so right! We shouldn't complain!"

I turn my back for one second and suddenly BAM! "I dont know what she's complaining about, shes the bartender, her job is easy, she makes more money than us, we have to tip her out whah whah whah"

I wanted to take their little neck and break them. Thats not to say everyone is like that by any means, but I was fucking livid when I heard the bitching about my comment.

And thats exactly why people talk about other people behind their backs, they're too goddamn cowardly to upright call you a cunt in your face but they have no problem twisting that knife once you're facing the other direction

Its like human fucking nature to avoid actual conflict and blow shit around when no ones watching.

Or when people monkey with other peoples lives because they have nothing better to do with their time. I won't go into detail but I caught wind of someone doing just that recently and fucking around with people's lives with the intent to either prove something or hopefully reap the benefits of said meddling. Its pathetic.

Peace out kids, I'm off.


Rafting and Drinking and Camping Oh My!

I just walked in the door from my white water rafting trip

I smell like fucking river

I probably look like a donkeys ass

And I am sunburnt in places I didn't know could be sunburnt but all in all it was one of the best times I've ever had

First off, I can't swim so I was slightly worried about that. But once you get that life jacket on with the happy straps (otherwise known as 'crotch straps') you feel like youre invincible. The rapids were damn high and I actually ended up cliff jumping which was exhilarating and went for a swim down the Ottawa River.

We started calling ourselves "Team Banana" because we were a raft of all girls and one guy so we didnt have a lot of paddling power to get up into the rapids to surf the waves. We'd get close and then we'd slide right back down again and it reminded me of that Simpsons episode where Bart and Nelson roll fruit down the bus isle and go, "Go Orange! Go melon!" then Ralph drops a banana and goes, "Go banana!"

We thought it was hilarious.

Then the girls and I went and drank our faces off at our cabin, prepared ourselves for dinner, watched the Oilers lose (fucking bums) drank more, watched one of our friends bungee jump, had her threaten my life when I kept yelling up at her as she waited,

"Lets hope the elastic holds"

"Go Team Tits!" (because she was only wearing a bathing suit we were convinced the top would fall off

"You have a better chance of being killed by a donkey than the cord snapping"

And such.

After that we watched this killer cover band and drank from a fountain of watermelon vokda, I didnt pay for a single drink the entire nite. We toasted with free champagne and Smirnoff then I ran into the hottest tour guide ever and we went skinny dipping

Then I realized as hot as he was he was annoying as fuck, unfortunately he didn't get the hint when I tried to kick him out of our cabin. The only thing he could manage to talk about was how big my tits were. It was annoying as hell.

We partied with our tour guide all nite and got her so piss drunk but she was awesome, she made the trip so much fun.

At about 5 am there was a beach party up the street with another band and a dj with more free booze that we all induldged ourselves in. Some chicks stole my friends purse and she chased them down to their car, ripped the door open and started banging the chicks head on the car door after she screamed at them to give them her shit back

Seriously, it was hilarious! My friend Michelle doesn't curse at all and she was yelling at these girls, "You fucking sluts! You stupid fucking bitches! Give me my stuff you stupid sluts! Ive got your liscence plate number and you're driving drunk you're fucked you sluts!" As much as it sucked that he shit got stolen it was funny as all Hell to see her freak out at them.

Finally we stumbled into bed, passed out and today I have the craziest sunburn, my entire body feels like it was beaten with a sack of doorknobs and I have bruises everywhere on my 2,000 body parts, but it was the most fun I've had all summer.

I'm going to bed to sleep it off now


I've got 99 Problems and a Civil Suit is one of them: UPDATE

Yesterday my landlords sent me a letter even though I've told them numerous times that they are no longer allowed to contact me via mail OR phone (they're not too swift)

The letter was a recommendation for mediation instead of going to court

Translation: We're scared as fuck now because we know you're taking us to court, you're not a scared little Brier Rabbit like we assumed you be and your lawyer is going to screw us out of money.

So instead they want me to sit down with them and a mediator to negotiate a reasonable amount of money to close this case instead of going to court.

I'm a pretty reasonable person so I'd be more than happy to go into mediation and propose a fair amount: $0.

I'm not paying them sweet dick all and I want to drag their stupid asses to court just because they're now pissing me off moreso than before. I'm not an idiot, I actually speak English unlike the other people in my building so you're not scaring me off with your big legal terms and I want you to shell out the cash for a lawyer who is probably going to advise you to drop the case because you're going to lose.

I can't wait until I drop off the keys when I move out and with the biggest grin on my face say, "See you in court"


Everyone who isn't getting sued please raise your hand

It looks like I'm getting sued.

How fantastic is that?

Long story short, my landlords are a bunch of cocks that would rather pay a grand in lawyers fees to shake my pockets of $550 because they're fucking crooks.

Seriously, I got the papers today that I was being served with a civil suit.

When I first moved in here, they fucked up my application so the apartment I was supposed to move into that was $550 wasn't ready so instead they gave me an apartment that was normally $665 a month for that amount. When I resigned the new lease it stated that the 115$ would be taken off each month

In like May they send me a letter saying that my rent was increasing to $679 a month which was a legal 2% increase. As soon as I get the letter I run down to my landlords office and they gave me some bullshit line about this all just being a move in bonus blah blah blah and that they can increase my rent to that amount.


I ASSUMED that my verbal notice was more than enough but to be on the safe side I had my mom write me a notice saying that I would be moving out at the end of my lease which I gave them 2 weeks later in May. SO technically yes, my WRITTEN notice was late but my VERBAL notice was more then 60 days early.

Now, they're telling me that because I was 2 weeks late in my written notice they are demanding I pay them 550$ for this month and that they are pushing my last months rent to July which is fucked since I wont be fucking living here in the first place.

I refused, I had my counsel call them and I thought everything was worked out until I was served today with a fucking court notice that I had to appear before the Ontario Housing Renting Tribunal July 7th, 2006 to tell them why I am not paying the $550 that my landlords are trying to fuck me out of

I can't fucking believe it, how fucking hilarious is this???

So they'd rather pay a grand out of their fucking pockets to take a University Student to court for a diddly $550 that I'm not going to pay and I'm probably going to win this fucking case! I can't believe how retarded these people are. Not only are they going to be out a grand, they probably wont get the 550$ from me either.

The best part is that they don't know who they are fucking messing with. As you all know, Im not one to take this sort of shit lightly. I don't know why they are going through so much hassle for so little money but what I do know is that they messed with the wrong fucking law student who's lawyer mom just so happens to work in the biggest and most powerful civil law firm in all of Western Florida

Fucking Christ....


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I am so fucking sick and tired of all the bullshit associated with working.

The before, the during and the after

I fucking hate having to waste my entire day knowing that whatever I do I have to make sure I'm at work by 6 to cater to all the assholes that have the nite off and think that just because I'm the bartender I'm their goddamn servent

Listen bitch, this isn't Molly Maid, my name isn't Jeeves so you're not going to shit and make me wipe your ass so stop giving me attitude because I'm just about ready to smash a bar glass in someones face.


I bought a brand new pair of rollerblades the other day. I love rollerblading, but the last time I moved I accidently left them behind so I purchased a $200 pair of blades on Wed.

First off, I should have known that the blades were cursed when I tried them on in the store and slipped up in the air, on my ass taking an entire display down with me in the store.

If that wasn't enough, the evil blades almost had me in the Emergency Room on Thursday when I put them on and the clasp broke so I wasn't able to get my left blade off for 2 hours. I dont know how but the clasp broke around my ankle so the blade was stuck right on my foot, nearly cutting off the circulation to my foot.

I pulled, and struggled and banged it against the floor for a good 2 hours. I was terrified that I would have to call a cab and go to the emergency room with one goddamn rollerblade on for them to cut it off.

Luckily, I dont know how, I managed to squeeze my foot out of it

I had more to talk about but Im tired, so Im going to bed. I'll update tomorrow!


Why dont you sit in the front at a comedy show?

I'll tell you when I get home from work tonite



The Lion the Witch and the Waiting Room

I refuse, absolutely fucking refuse to ever step foot into a walk in clinic ever again. I don't care if I'm on my fucking death bed with scurvy, the shingles all over my body and a leg falling off from gangrene -

I will never endure the 4 hr bullshit I put up with today because some out of line, PMSing, power tripping receptionist whore was having a bad fucking day.

I swear to GOD I'd rather die in the streets than put up with another uptight fat bitch who lost her nail file in her ass and the crazies that frequent the medical centers here in Ottawa.

I've been having some serious medical problems lately (none that are really any of your business, but my bladder has been fucked up for the past week and I'm on a shit load of anti biotics to hopefully remedy this condition) so I went to the walk in clinic on Rideau Saturday after calling in sick to work for some drugs as I was in excruitating pain and discomfort.

I managed to get in right away, after only 5 mins. in the waiting room which was sweet because I told the receptionist that if I didn't get in soon I was probably going to fall to the fetal position on her floor and she'd have to drag my ass back to the doctor's room. He checked me out, gave me some meds and things were going great until today when I woke up clutching my stomach frantically searching for some painkillers.

I finally managed to get my ass dressed and downstairs where I took a cab to the Medical Center to see the doctor again since clearly the medications were not working.

There was only like 5 people waiting so I thought, fuck sweet Im so getting in

Until Shamu decided she fucking hated her life at the precise moment that I walked to the counter when I went to hand her my Health card. She didn't even look up, she threw a clipboard in my face and told me to sign up

I handed it back to cunt face and sat down


I'm fucking dying in the corner and she finally calls me up, thank fucking god I'm thinking I'm in

No, she's just asking for my health card now

Miserable bitch


What the fuck? I stood at the counter waiting for the Titanic to rise again instead she ignores me and keeps talking to Chico on the other end of the business line when she finally acknowledges my presence - I ask her how much longer

"Just take a seat, I'll call you when it's your turn"

If I wasnt in crippling pain I probably would have jumped the counter and strangled her with the phone cord



"I have been waiting in this goddamn clinic for 3 fucking hours now.."
"Ma'am, keep your voice done and stop cursing"

"...the doctors not in for another 45 mins"


I've been suffering in this goddamn sweltering cesspool of human illness for the past 3 goddamn hours staring at your sweaty fat ass talking to your fucking drug dealer on the phone and you FAILED to inform me that the doctor wasn't even fucking in YET!

I think I went so far as to grab the clip board so I could imagine how it would feel connected to her face

In the end, I finally got in after I yelled at some kids to turn their phones off, cursed out some lady for talking way too loud on her cell phone and screamed at some dude to stop staring at me


Doctor poked my abdomen, gave me a new prescription and told me I needed further tests at the hospital to determine whats wrong with me

That took a total of 5 mins.

Combined with the ridiculous wait: 4 hours and 5 mins.

But I got drugs, so life isn't all bad...


This is what I get for calling in sick to work...

I'm sick as a dog right now and hopped up on all these meds so I called in sick to work today.

Thinking I was just going to relax, take a nice long bath, rent a movie, get myself better I instead just spent the past 30 mins on lock down in a 7 - 11 giving about 5 cops a statement. Jesus fucking Christ.

It all started about an hour ago, I was dying for some candy from the store so as usual I threw on a hoody and walked down the street. I've never, in my entire life living in Ottawa ever felt unsafe walking down the street - ANY street - EVER

As I'm walking I see these two guys ahead of me that I noticed hanging around my building earlier that day but they didn't go inside. They slowed down, both turned to look at me and almost came to a complete hault as though they were going to talk to me. I cut back on my walking and slowed all the way down and pretended to not notice them as I listened to my iPod.

Normally I bring my phone with me just in case shit happens but I left it sitting on my counter thankfully I took out the $700 in tip money I still had in my wallet before I went to the store.

These two guys just keep watching me then eventually turn around and keep walking, every few seconds they turned around to look at me again.

When I reached the 7 - 11 I went to the candy isle and started filling up my bag when the one dude in the bright blue vest came in fighting with some other guy about money and apparently about some prostitute who was freaking out outside of the store. Both men went back outside, I went back to my candy, then blue vest walked back in freaking out asking if he could use the phone inside the 7 - 11 claiming that buddy hit him

The clerks refused so he walked back out again, then 2 secs later came right back in and made a beeline towards me with his right hand in his vest pocket like he was concealing something. He was bitching about people and how rude they are while I completely ignored him to which he said, "Oh I guess you're too good to talk to me either!" and he stormed out of the store again.

I told the clerk that I think he had something in his vest and she called for the cops. An undercover police officer came into the store and sure enough, 2 secs later blue vest came back in and started walking towards me before the cop asked him to step outside. Buddy still had his right hand fumbling around in his vest, I was just waiting for him to pull out a gun

Thankfully, he didn't have a gun

Instead the asshole had a fucking knife that he pulled out but was too goddamn stupid to pull it out of its case. The moron was then taken down by the cops who asked me to give a verbal statement and I went home with a free dollar bag of candy.

I've never in my life worried about walking to the corner store before until now. I seriously can't wait to fucking move out of this place, what a goddamn hole it is here.

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