20060531

I hope you smokers get cancer and die...well maybe not die, but get sick at least, and maybe not cancer..ah hell, can I just kick you in the ovaries?

As you may or may not have heard, the province of Ontario has now implemented a new "No Smoking" ban as of Midnite May 31st.

No longer can smokers smoke in front of their office, in the workplace, in the jails or even on covered patios

Three words come readily to mind:

THANK - FUCKING - GOD

I'm thrilled with the new non-smoking ban on the covered patios, my patio is partially covered which means I will no longer walk into some careless idiot's dangling cigarette and burn myself 5 times a nite and I will no longer have to endure everyone's second hand smoke as I work.

I really couldn't be more happy with the new law

The best part of it all is how all these fucking smokers are freaking out about the new laws. How we are taking away their rights to be able to smoke in this Democracy we our little world. How DARE we take away their rights as human beings to suck tar and cyanide causing them to die a slow, perhaps painful death. How DARE we! The nerve!!!

Well, how dare you fucking assume that I want your second hand smoke filling my lungs while I try to make a living causing me to die from a slow, perhaps painful death

How dare you fucking assume that I want to be burnt continuously with your goddamn cigarettes as they dangle carelessly from your fingers while I walk by your table

How dare you fucking assume that your rights override mine - if you want to kill yourself, fine, I'll fucking but you a carton myself

But don't for one minute give me this goddamn dog and pony show about how the Government isn't taking your rights into consideration and that you should be able to puff away in this free world.

You didn't ask me if I wanted to be subjected to your smoke, I didn't ask you if should be allowed to continue puffing away at my work

But hey, by all means, if you want smoking to come back to the workplace, in paticular mine, thats fine. But ONLY and ONLY if I can go into your cubicle and urinate all over your paperwork

Its a free world, I should have the right to piss where I want

And only if I can go into your office during a meeting and serenade you with my rendetion of the Backstreet Boys "Show me the Meaning"

Its a free world, I can goddamn sing where I want

...are we beginning to see a pattern here?

Singing Backstreet Boys may or may not be hazardous to ones health and urine is sterile but smoking and second hand smoke kills people everyday, so if you're trying to tell me that you should be able to smoke at my place of business and blacken my lungs I should be able to sing while I drop one in your Inbox.
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20060529

Blah Blah

Ever since I posted my last blog entry I've had over 20 emails from several different men (and 1 woman) stating that they would be the perfect (wo)man for me. I never thought in a million years anyone would take that post seriously since I don't even take myself seriously, but lo and behold the inbox was full.

I'm thinking of starting a new reality TV show "Who Wants to Date a Blonde!" I could go on dates with contestants, they could meet the rents, go out for dinner and moonlit walks with a million cameras following our every move...I know there's been a million and one reality dating shows like that, but this one would be special

Because it was me

And because it was all done through the magic of blogging, think about it.

Anyways, I just wanted to make it clear to everyone out in blog land - I am not the lonely, depressed, relationship deprived cat lady like I can occasionaly make myself out to be.

I am quite content with my singlehood status, until I find someone that I am 100% comfortable with I can live with the ferret in our happy little bachelor apartment watching TLC.

The whole reason behind the previous post was me venting about all the past bullshit, crazy fucking men I've encountered in my life.

Pour example:

My first boyfriend, if you can even call him that, that I lost my virginity to was 29 when I was 16 - we worked together and the next day he called me "damaged goods" at work in the heat of an argument. I don't think I've ever officially recovered from that and he knows damn well that he'll never be forgiven for that comment.

And he fucking lives up the street from me now and we call each other once a week just to check in on each other

He's also the same cocksucker that dumped me for his boss who used to be my former boss who is this stupid slutty (well not really, but you know...) cunt that I hate

I always seem to dump the guys that treat me well and are overly reliable because they are boring and would lick my feet if I asked. Who the fuck wants that? I crave a challenge and if you're willing to offer 100% of yourself to me up front where the hell is the fun in that?

I usually dump these guys by not answering my phone when they call and stop calling them, its immature and cowardly but it gets the job done

Then there's the other guy, we'll call him "Mr.E" --- smart, sexy, successful,dark, mysterious, EVERYTHING I've ever wanted in a man and yet he never speaks to me anymore and all of his success I believe has finally gotten to his head, I know he's now grown an ego and thats sad since he could have been the single greatest guy I've ever had the pleasure of knowing

(and if you read this...you know who you are....)

Then there is the crazy Irish man, the one that everyone has, the one that you dont want anymore but you dont want them to have anyone else. Seriously, him and I couldn't be together if we tried for so many different reasons but the idea of him with someone else drives me fucking crazy

In fact, I nearly beat this chick's ovaries in last Thursday when she tried picking him up at my work, I thought I was going to literally jump over the bar and rip her damn face off. Yet when he asked me to do something that nite after Miss Thang left I said I was on my period and went home to bed.

Now THATS fucked.

Enough of the venting, bitching and whining, Im off to bed. Taa.
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20060527

Hot Men Need Not Apply - SWF

WANTED:

Single, white male, between the age of 23 - whatever.

Must have a sense of humor and enjoy the Family Guy and Horror Movies

Has to be honest, and real honesty, none of that "as honest as I have to be to get into your pants" honesty either

Can't be an amazing guy alone and a complete fucking asshole in front of the friends

No games, I'm too old for that shit and I graduated high school a long fucking time ago.

Has to be able to spend time indoors, in sweats, on the couch, with popcorn to watch movies and CSI - NO BAR STARS!

Has to understand my schedule and how damn hectic it can be

Muscles can not be bigger than brains, penis however....I can make an exception....

NO EGOS!!!!!

Please apply within....
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20060526

Ha!

How hilarious and drunk am I in this picture......hehehehe

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20060525

American Cookie Cutter - the Finale

So it appears that the obnoxious grey haired freak won American Idol tonite.

I suppose a conngrats would be in order except for the fact that the guy is a complete moron who annoyed the shit out of me everytime he opened his fat mouth and bounced around on the stage like he left his ritalin and helmet back at the hotel. I'm ashamed of you America, you bounce off the only true talent and vote in that fucking freak show to be your next idol.

Mind you, these are the same people that voted in Bush so I guess their assessment of character was skewed to begin with.

Seriously though, I cannot believe Chris got voted off. He is by far the only one with any real talent on that entire stage since the first Idol came off and America fucked up and didn't give him the votes he deserved. However, I did hear that the show was supposedly "fixed" and fans who did vote for Chris the nite before he was booted got a message from Katherine thanking them for their vote.

The thing about American Idol is this: They don't like their squeaky clean, America's Sweetheart and boy-next-store image to be tarnished by genuine rocker talent like Chris's. The very of his sexy bald head running around on the stage belting out classic rock hits and current Top 40 rock was too much for the simpletons behind American Idol to handle. Chris was the rebel without a cause and now he's been voted off for it.

At first I was seriously pissed off and saddened that he was voted off and that airhead Katherine and the geriatric freak stayed on. I really was. Then I realized that Chris will now be getting crazy offers for bigger and better things and if he actually won American Idol there's a good chance he'd release one album and fade into the background like the rest of the past Idol winners when Idol '07 starts.

Even still, best of luck to him and if he ever decides to get a divorce, Chris baby - Gimmie your number you sexy, sexy beast.
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20060522

There's nothing here to remind me, just the memory of your face

It looks like all our hopes and dreams rest on Edmonton.

......well at least they have a nice mall.

This weekend was hell at work, it was completely dead on Saturday so I not only sat around doing nothing for 8 hours I also made no money sitting around doing nothing on Saturday. I could have used that time for drinking, making a small fort or cleaning my sty of an apartment.

Frat boys couldn't even live in these conditions, its disgusting.

Friday was a joke, I ended up playing a drinking game with my friend and boss. I think I won but I had to get someone to do my cash out for me.

Last nite, as per usual the crew of the Circque de Soliel which is in town was at my bar being their usual drunken, annoying french selves. EVERYTIME they come into the bar its a fucking gong show. First off, there is the communication problem since the only French I can remember from school is, "J'mappelle Ashley, commence ca va? Ou es la toilette?"

Secondly, they take up my entire bar and scream orders at me every 2 mins even when I am doing the service end of the bar, I've told them many times that I don't care if they can bend their bodies into pretzels or dangle 100 feet in the air by their mouths, they have to fucking wait like everyone else.

Finally they always argue over how much their bills are. "Oh no, I deed not drink dees much, dees is dee wrong bill you overrrcharrrged moi." Listen fucking Frenchy, I only punch in what I fucking make and if the fucking bill says you drank 14 rum and cokes you drank 14 fucking rum and cokes now pay up.

Then they get all pissed off and don't tip.

Which could be because their French because no offence lets face it, unless French people work in the industry they're cheap as fuck and I feel comfortable saying that from experience.

I forgot to mention the freakiest thing in the world happened to me last weeked while I was working. Seriously, I'll never go to the bathroom unattended ever again.

It was last Sunday nite and I had to run down to the bathroom before I started to cash out. There was no one else in there with me and mid zip while I was in the stall I heard someone groan and say, "Help" I yelled out, "Hello???Anyone there??" (typical cliched movie move) I thought it might just be the pipes playing tricks on me since its an old building and the bathroom was pretty much in the basement

Mid-urinating I heard a moan and, "Heeelp" again. I fucking jumped up like someone lit a candle under my ass and bolted upstairs doing my pants up halfway up the stairs. I ran to the kitchen where one of the servers said, "Ashley whats wrong?? You're white as a ghost!" How's that for irony.

Supposedly my work is haunted so I had one of the kitchen guys check out the men's washroom since its right beside the woman's bathroom and I thought maybe someone was hurt. He said no one was in there and we both rechecked the women's bathroom and nothing.

By now I knew I was just hearing things in my head so I continued washing my hands and I heard the groan and the "HELP" even louder and bolted upstairs never to return to that bathroom alone at the end of the nite.

And that's my scary story.
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20060520

Someone please answer me this

Ok, Im more than certainly drunk right now listening to Postal Service and being all cool and emo like, I even painted my toenails black a while ago so Im super fly...

But someone please answer me this:

How in the FUCK does anyone find the following Hollywood starlets attractive....??

Paris Hilton - and her ghonaherpamonosyphiliaids
Lindsay Lohan - the alien
Mischa Barton - the other alien


really....I've admitted it before, and I'll admit it again I am addicted to celebrity mags that slg and rag on the celebrities and such but everytime I open a damn magazine I see one of the three fighting with each other and I just have to shake my head

For one, its a wonder that Paris is able to say anything at all with a massive dose of heir cock in her mouth, it doesnt matter who it is or who it hurts so long as she has her daily sausage fixing

Then there's innocent little Lohan that I remember from her days of the "Parent Trap" being all cute and shit pretending like she can actually act and now she'll fucking anyone in Hollywood so long as they are either

a) Dating someone shes pissed off ie. she'll fuck dirt on the street
b) Anyone she's dated but doesn't want to give up to anyone else ie. Fez, fucking gross
c) Anyone that has some money and she feels she can manipulate

Someone fucking call Nasa, we've discovered life on this planet and its called Skankus Lohanis

Ive also discovered this evening that I also love the band Postal Service and had to purchase their CD today.......
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20060517

Cab Ride = $40, Drinks = $50, After Party at the Corel Center = $0, Partying with Our Lady Peace, NWL and Ray Emery = PRICELESS!

Tonite was the single greatest fucking day of my LIFE!

My children's births will come second.

So in my last post I went all freakout about looking forward to seeing this guy that I'm totally into tonite as he was in town, which automatically made my nite last nite. I called this friend of mine and told him that I was at the Corel (now Scotiabank Center) with a friend of mine for the OLP and NWL afterparty.

After a ton of bullshit from security and the people running the show we finally made it backstage and into the NWL / OLP dressing rooms where we were immediately doused with champagne since it was the last nite of the tour. You have no idea just how fucking sticky champagne is until its dripping down your tits and sticks your nipples to your bra.

Anyways, I leave my friend for a bit to hang out with my friend that I haven't seen in forever and I made a lot of silly little groupy girls who were hanging around backstage jealous. It was fantastic. When I came back she's run off with this seriously hot band member that I cannot say because she's not here to give me the OK. So I'm talking to the person I'm enthralled with and suddenly all the Senators walk into the dressing room and I'm like, you fucking bums.

Then Ray Emery, the man who's babies I want walks in.

Of course Im piss drunk at this point so I'm like, fuckit - Im getting my picture taken with him. Once I get a cord to connect my cell phone to my USB drive in my computer I'll post it. Im shooting the shit with Emery for a bit going, "I still love you, WHERE THE FUCK WAS DEFENCE!?"

He's actually a bit of a prick really, either that or fucking shy as all hell because he just sort of nodded responses and didn't really speak much.

By this time my friend returned and started freaking out that Raine Maida was standing right in front of us talking, I told her to calm the fuck down, which thankfully she did, and she asked him for his picture. He's actually super fucking short in real life, like really fuckin short but a super nice guy.

Finally it was time for everyone to pack up because their buses were leaving for home. I have to admit, I was totally bummed out because I wanted to spend more time with my friend but I'll just have to wait until he comes back, le sigh.

Amazing nite, Im so fucking glad I went out, perhaps my life isn't as boring as I thought it was!
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20060515

Tee Hee

Either I'm delerious or I'm elated due to certain people coming to Ottawa tomorrow nite. Tee hee.

I haven't been able to sleep this entire weekend for some reason which is fucked up. I have put in a 66 hr week thus far and I can't believe my REM isn't working like its supposed to. I haven't been getting to bed until after 4 am as it's been retarded busy at my work yet I can't sleep in past 8-9 am. Its totally fucked.

I'm a total insomniac lately and its driving me crazy. I got these big bad ass bags under my eyes that could hold a months supply of groceries. I feel about 10 years older than I actually am.

On top of that I got loaded last nite at work with the boss and my friend who was serving with me so I got home and start drunk dialing everyone I knew and then I accidently called the guy I'm supposedly dating thinking it was my ex boyfriend who's ridiculously hot and tattooed and enticed him to come over not even realizing I called the wrong person so I felt like a fucking idiot when he said, "I'm all the way in Nepean I can't make it out tonite" I was like, Nepean - what the fuck are you doing in Nepean?

Then I realized my mistake and hung up.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, I've just been doing stupid shit this entire weekend, maybe its the lack of sleep finally catching up with me. Or maybe I'm just an idiot naturally and I'm blaming my genetic stupidity on the enviroment. I don't know why I wasn't installed with that stupid little voice in everyone's head that tells us not to do dumbass things, but if anyone is willing to sell or give theirs up I'm willing to take it.
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20060514

I don't want to fucking hear about it

Yes, Sens lost in OT.

Why may you ask?

Was Emery not on his game tonite?

Was it Neil's knocking over the wrong people (or refs) and smashing their faces into the boards for no reason to blame?

Has the fact that Alfredson has only managed to get one fucking shot in as team Captain this entire playoff season effected their game ?

Did Volcechke (sp?) throw in some of his fancy fucking foot-play with 18 secs left in the third period with a 1 point lead?

Who knows, all I know is that the Sens are now out, I will not be making the money I should be making now that their sorry, egostistical , egocentric asses are out of the playoffs. This fucking team, I swear to God.

The thing about the Sens is that they are amazing in the seasons because they all work together to get to the playoffs. As soon as the playoffs come around they all break into their individual habits, throw out the fancy shooting and skating for the crowd and they end up fucking costing us the game because of their fucking egos. An old co worker of mine used to date Wade Redden so I think I'm going to smack her in the face and tell her to pass it the fuck on.

That aside, I had a girl call me a "stupid fucking cunt" tonite because I wouldnt accept the fact that her boyfriend was apparently 22 but didn't have his ID on him. What does it take for people to understand the fucking fact that the entire reason I am asking for your ID is that I am questioning your age, regardless of you telling me how fucking old you are I DONT GIVE A SHIT! Im asking you for ID, because I don't trust you to be 19+, so telling me to take your word for it is like a President Bush speech.

Then this chick fucking comes up to me tonite and starts yelling at me that she didnt get a last call when I know for a fact the server gave her one. So she comes up to me at fucking 2:45 and starts screaming at me for a fucking beer that she supposedly ordered from the server an hour ago

I was like, listen bitch - if you fucking ordered a beer an hour ago, at LAST CALL like you SUPPOSEDLY did, would you not fucking wonder where the fuck your beer was AFTER LIKE 15 FUCKING MINUTES OR ARE YOU THAT RETARDED?? I was so annoyed, fuck you, you didnt ask for shit like you said you did, and even if you did you don't deserve to have that last beer because you are that fucking stupid.

Then this other dude got into my face tonite about something I dont even know about and dont give a fucking about since I was tired and he was being a dick and I flat out told him that at 7 dollars and hour his opinion basically means sweet-dick-all to me. I dont think he liked that too much fortunately he was too drunk to bitch to my boss about it, so all was good.

Bottom line: Bar money, good - stupid fucking retards with their heads so far up their asses they could wear their ovaries / testes as a hat not so great.
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20060512

Ray Emery....

I'd totally have your babies, God bless you man, God bless.

We're still in baby, good things come in three's!
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20060510

Ottawa Sens....

...you're fucking useless.
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FUCK YES!

GUESS WHO HAS BOX SEAT TICKETS TO MOTHER FUCKING POISON AUGUST 20TH??

FUCKING RIGHT!

Every rose has its thorn biatch!

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20060509

Quick Breakdown

This post is going to be le suck but I'm exhausted, spending nearly the entire 48 hrs on about 7 different patios drinking in this wonderful weather has finally taken its toll on me.

- I found a place to live 5 mins. away from work so I'm officially broke after handing my new landlord a check for $1250

- I have a killer fucking sunburn that is seriously hurting right now thanks to my 2 day patio adventure

- I officially start summer school next week, that means every Mon and Wed nite for 4 hrs I will be learning stats - I'd rather be shoving bamboo shoots up my fingernails but I don't have a choice

- I clipped my ferret's toenail too close to her foot and cut it, it bled, I cried, I called the vet and they told me it would be ok, to just apply a certain solvent to it

- She got her revenge by nearly biting my foot off as I stepped out of the shower

- Last Saturday nite I got into a fight with some bitch who works at McClaren's afterwork when she started giving me the stare down and dirty looks until I finally asked her if she had a fucking problem, she mumbled something about my skirt, I shot back something about just getting off the bar and if that offended her she should stop checking me out

- I got so drunk on the bar last Sunday nite I dont remember anything after 12:00 am. The best part about that is that it was my boss who got me so pinned that nite

- My mom's dog got her tube tied and she now has to wear a cone around her neck which I personally think is fucking hilarious, my mom feels sorry for her, I then reminded mom of the time she dressed the dog up for the 4th of July...

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Edit: I should also mention that I just got caught throwing my garbage down the chute in my underwear....
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20060508

The Ballad of Peg-Leg Phil

A friend of a friend of mine, Phil whom we all call "Peg Leg Phil" has the fucking worst luck in the world, its almost hilarious.

Well actually its really fucking hilarious but to spare myself a one way ticket straight to Hell I try not to laugh too hard at his misfortunes

We call him peg-leg because he is missing one of his legs right below the knee so he wears a prosthetic. I saw him for the first time in months the other day hobbling around with a set of crutches. I didn't ask him what happened instead I mentioned it today to my friend Bex while we were out on the patio. She told me what went down and I have to share it because its just too fucking funny not to share.

Phil got into a huge fight with his ex-girlfriend and so he tried to break into her apartment or something to grab some of his things but while he was breaking in he was piss-ass drunk so he was easily caught by her while he was breaking in and she called the police. When the police were chasing him, hammered, he ended up losing his leg in a ditch off of Merivale road and couldn't remember where it fell off.

The police ended up retrieving it and now they are holding it as his bail until he pays for her damages or serves the rest of his sentence in jail. So now poor Phil's phone is being held for ransom at the police station and he has to use his crutches to get around

Im so going to Hell for laughing about this.
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20060506

Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?

I'm obsessed with the "Panic at the Disco" debut CD, I love it. A friend of mine hates the fact that every single song title is like a haiku but I think the songs themselves are fan-fucking tastic

Ok, quick question: Who in their right mind thinks the new Lindsay Lohan is attractive? I'm not talking "mean girls" attractive, I mean "fucking men like Paris Hilton buys new animals" attractive now. The girl used to be hot, now she just looks busted. I admit it, I love the celebrity magazines because lets face it, their lives are tres more exciting than mine will ever be and the Denise Richards / Heather Locklear scandal is delicious.

But everytime I see a picture of that alien looking Lohan I think to myself, "How does this little alien whore get any work other than Bang-Bus 200?" And now she wants to be a model??

Christ, eat a sandwich then we'll talk.

I mean look at this

Hot Lohan
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Alien Lohan
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Jesus, give this fucking chick a burger
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Seriously, "Please Don't Feed the Celebrities" has gone too far.

I've been waking up the past 3 days witha pounding headache at 8 am because they are doing construction in the apartment next to me. So every morning at 8 am I wake up to people grinding, chiseling, painting, sandblasting, sawing the walls next to my fucking head. For one, I don't fucking go to bed until 4 am because of work and then I have to get up at 8 am now to do it all over again??

I've become a really bitter fucking person over the past few days so if you see me in the street throwing someone into traffic don't be surprised.

Sometimes I wish my parents read this blog just so I could piss them off a bit. My mom was giving me hell for calling my brother a few choice names on the phone the other day because he's a goddamn idiot who got caught smoking pot and stealing my grandmothers car. Already 16 and already the juvenile deliquent. Wonderful. The most ironic part of it all is that he is in military school where he's supposed to be disciplined. Right.

Anyways, moms giving me shit about me bringing the hammer down on him and she throws out the, "Well we can't always be angels like you"

I seriously wanted to reply back with, "Yah mom I'm a total angel, remember those dance lessons you and dad shelled out hundreds of dollars for? My boyfriend wants me to give you his thanks, those lessons have come in handy..."

So there you go, Mom - bet you didn't think your money was paying for that now did you? Happy Mother's day

They need to make a Hallmark card for that,

"Dear Mom, you were always there for me, you always supported me in everything I've ever engaged it, you were always there to help me out when I need it the most and thank you for paying for this skills that have assisted me in getting my boyfriend off. I love you, Happy Mother's Day."

She'd probably have a heart attack.
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20060504

It seems we have a little problem here

I've been dating / seeing whatever you want to call it this guy for a few weeks now and he's already getting on my nerves.

NOT a good sign.

We've only been dating for a few weeks and already he's in this, "I have to talk to you everyday" mode which I wasn't even in when I dated my ex for almost a year.

On top of that he doesn't seem to understand my list of priorities rank

1. School
2. Work
3. Friends

He doesn't even place on the top 3!

When I have free time I'd like to spend it with my friends as well as him but he fucking thinks that when I have 2 days off I should spend BOTH of them with him. Its fucking annoying. I try to balance it, for example this week I had Tuesday and Wed off so I made plans with him for Tuesday nite to watch Hostel and then Wed nite to hang out with the girls

Well, wouldn't you know it - he shows up at my place at fucking 7 pm and says he wants to watch a movie. I was like, "Are you fucking kidding me?? I told you I had plans with the girls tonite!" He got all defensive and was like, "Well you can go afterwards"

What in the fuck is that???

AND HE DOESN'T STOP TOUCHING ME WHILE WE SLEEP!

I can't fucking STAND people touching me while I'm sleeping. Im asleep fucker. I don't want to be groped, touched, cuddled with - ANYTHING! This is MY side of the bed, this is YOUR side of the bed. He thinks im insensitive, I think he's a pussy.

And I should have adhered to that Golden rule of the first few weeks of dating: Never EVER give them your MSN address until you find out for sure that he isn't one of those needs-to-message-you-all-the-time-to-see-what-you-are-doing-every-second

I feel really bad because he is WAY more into me than I am into him. I'm not even looking to date anyone exclusively right now for two reasons

1) A lack of time
2) There's someone else that I've been kind of consumed with for the past couple of months

I don't want to hurt the guys feelings, but if he doesn't back the fuck off soon they're going to find him at the bottom of my apartment complex after he's taken a 7 storey plunge. I'm going fucking crazy.
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20060503

The more the light shines through my I pretend to close my eyes

Hectic is the only word that can justify the past couple of weeks for me.

I closed the last 5 nites in a row

I had a memorial to attend this morning

I signed up for summer classes

And now I have to find an apartment by July 1st because my landlord is a fucking skeeze.

So if anyone in the downtown Ottawa area knows of any one-bedrooms for rent under $700 please let me know. reasonableinsomnia@yahoo.ca

My mom made a lucrative offer the other nite in regards to grad school. I was considering applying for the Forensic Psychology program at SFU in B.C. since I hate Ottawa and Carleton's grad program isn't exactly up to par (Hell, neither is the undergrad program)

The offer she made me was this:

I apply for Grad school at Florida Atlantic University

She sets me up with an apartment

She helps me find a bartending job (paid under the table of course)

And she buys me a car so I can get around.

Sounds awesome doesn't it?

But with the glory of living in Florida and pretty much mooching off of my mother for a while has its downfalls

For one, I'm going to be really far away from my friends and the rest of my family

For two, I have 5 animals that would have to make their way down South as well too (and I have no idea how to transport them)

Grad school runs anywhere from $25,000 - $50,000, I only pay about $6,000 for school right now.

So I have no idea what I am going to do yet, but I most certainly would love living in Florida and I havent lived near my mom in 14 years so that would also be nice.

And I want to point out the weirdest thing ever just happened to me right now. I was purchasing Korn's new single "Coming Undone" off of iTunes and as I was doing so it came on Much Music.

Bizarre.
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Holy fuck its my dream come true!!!!

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20060501

Every shift I work a part of me dies on the inside

When you're at my bar please refrain from doing the following...

1) Giving me attitude when I ask for your ID, if you are of legal age then what the fuck is the problem? Shut the hell up, take the compliment and whip it out, Im sorry for taking up that precious 3 secs of your drinking time

2) If you only have a health card DONT give me shit because at my bar we arent allowed to take health cards! Stop speaking out of your ass and accept the fact that just because you don't drive doesn't mean you can't get a BYID from the liquor store, I dont give a fuck that you can't drive, we don't take health cards. Period.

3) If you have NO ID don't sit there freaking out at me because youre 23, 24, 25, 26, 30, 100 whatthefuckever - you dont have ID, you DONT get served. The whole idea behind me asking for ID is to validate your age, your word doesn't mean fuck all to me really.

4) Don't give me attitude when I ask for a credit card to hold onto when you want to start a tab. No, I don't fucking "trust you" I don't know who the hell you are so why would I? No card - No Tab

5) Please refrain from screaming obscenities at me from the end of the bar in front of all my customers, it not only makes you look like a moron but also won't serve your ass so take your 5$ and your 60-Day-Chip elsewhere

6) Stop fighting with me when I take your beer away at 2:45 am. I have been at work for 10 hrs, I dont care if you have 3 dollars worth of beer in your pitcher at that time, you should have chugged faster.

7) Asking me what beers we have on tap when...

a) You already know what you want
b) Youre already standing at the taps reading them
c) The guy beside you asked the same fycking question

...makes me angy and makes me want to take my bottle opener and pop out your fucking eyeballs, especially when Im busy.

8) If you don't like the prices of our beer why don't you take your cheap ass to On Tap with the rest of the welfare, food stamp, trailer park12 year old fucks and stretch out that $20 of yours there instead of saying, "Oh sorry - I dont have enough to tip you now"

9) DONT Wave, scream, whistle, call out throw money at me when I am serving other customers. I see you, I will be over to serve you as soon as I take care of the other people who were kind enough to wait their turn. I always ignore you people and serve you last, even AFTER I serve the waitresses so waving or screaming to get my attention will only result in you getting slower service

10) DONT Be a new girl and be as condensending as possible when you order a drink off of me. In fact, when you ask for a "brown cow" at the end of your shift and say it as bitchy as possible, "Its Kaluha and milk", (this all being after you've freaked out on me and pissed me off about the time it takes to get your bill killed at the bar) there's a good chance that I may:

a) Spit in it
b) Take the Mulligan's Bar Guide and shove it into your big newbie mouth
c) Make your life a living fucking hell when I work and when you need drinks I'll put your bill at the very end of the line, fuck everything up so your customers hate you and make your life so miserable at work you quit - Don't think I won't do it sister if you don't change that nasty attitude and fill in that chip on your shoulder.

11) Finally, DONT MAKE AT OUT AT THE FUCKING BAR ITS DISGUSTING, NOBODY WANTS TO SEE IT - YOU CAN PLAY HIDE THE SAUSAGE WHEN YOU GET HOME AND PAY FOR YOUR HOUR!


...I've had a long weekend.
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posted by <$BlogItemAuthorNickname$> at <$BlogItemDateTime$> <$BlogItemCommentCount$> Flaming Midgets <$BlogItemControl$>