Things Ashley is sick of hearing about

JESSICA AND NICK DIVORCE
She's an adulterous bimbo.
He's an egotistical party animal with a taste for porn stars

Did you REALLY think it was going to work?
Stop pretending world like its some big goddamn surprise.

BRAD AND JEN AND ANGELINA
Boo hoo Brad dumped you for Angelina
Yes its sad
Yes you're the victim
Yes we've heard enough about it
He dumped you for a younger model
It sucks, but its the real world honey

Vince is better for you anyways. You should be happy.

PARIS HILTON
And her pet accessories.
I am so goddamn sick and tired of hearing how she's ditched her dog/ferret/rat/hippopotamos/whatever for a new, illegal raccoon mutant. The thing deserves to live in its natural habitat but that spoiled little slut just HAD to have one.

Someone throw her in front of a bus already and get it over with

THE JAN. ELECTION
Just let me eat my fucking pumpkin pie and open my presents in blissful ignorance.
I don't want to be thinking about listening to those idiots in Parliment flapping their mouths while I'm spending time with my family.

Throw them in front of a bus too.

TOM AND KATIE
He dumped Nic
He knocked up a younger model (notice the trend here....?)
He lost his fucking mind somewhere along the way
Ad Holmes looks like an alien

Moving on now

EVERY SINGLE DISEASE THAT HAS COME OUT AND HOW WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE FROM THEM
Can't I just get a damn flu shot?
Oh wait, no I guess I can't since we're too busy spending millions on vaccines for the chickens and not for humans who could contract the virus.

Awesome, just let me know how long I've got to live and get me a Pina Colada. I want to watch the Apocalypse in style, baby.

CAB COMPANIES THAT STAND BEHIND THEIR DRIVER'S WHO HIT A YOUNG WOMAN AND DRAG HER 1.5 KM'S ON TO THE HIGHWAY
If you're not from Ottawa a young woman was recently killed when she was hit by a taxi and dragged 1.5 km's onto the highway.

Quiet obviously, she died from her injuries.

And what does the cab company basically say? "We stand behind our employees. She shouldn't have been in the way, but hey - sorry about having to bury your own child and all."

STARS ARE SOOOO SKINNY NOW!
Great.
I'll be sure to advise my future daughter that looking like a praying mantis *coughnicolerichiecough* is IN and eating is SOOO last week.

I think it's true what they say about winter

It makes everyone depressed.

The days are shorter, the nights are longer.
Its freezing fucking cold
It's always raining and dreary looking in the beginning
People are generally in nastier moods because:

1) Its disgusting out
2) The sidewalks are never salted in time
3) Christmas makes them more poor than they already are

Lately I've been a bit edgy due to work, school, parents, friends basically life in general so I've been known to spontaneous break out at home in mini-crying fits when trying to organize my life.

Like seriously, I've been having cry fits for everything.

Montel Williams talking to that psychic about dead family members
*cry*
Oprah talking to families who've lost their loved ones in the war
*cry*
My hair isn't going the way I want it to
*cry*
I can't take the wrapping off the new CD I bought
*cry*

Which all built up to yesterday.

It finally happened.

But lets back track to the past few weeks.

I've been trying to organize all this schoolwork I have due with all the work-work I do. Its pretty fucking difficult to be a 3 year Uni student and work 5 days/nights a week. Unfortunately mommy and daddy don't pay for anything and I'm too proud to ask so I have to work that much to afford living expenses.

I have bills coming out of my ass and just when I think I've got them under control a new one comes in the mail.

That's got me pretty down.

I seriously haven't gotten laid since I think October. Thats a long fucking time especially for one who's seriously tense and frustrated. I mean I could easily go into a bar and say, "Ok - you can put your dick inside me tonight. Maybe 3 times if you're up for it"

But I'm looking for a little more than that. I've been single for a while and it'd be nice to have someone to call when I've had a bad day other than my girlfriends. *WARNING EXTREME CLICHE AHEAD* I want someone to cuddle and drink hot chocolate with while watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre or The Christmas Specials...like you know, the one with the elf that wants to be a dentist.

I guess when you work full time and go to school while trying to squeeze in a few hours of sleep its just not possible to meet anyone.

On top of that my family's just been all over my case on everything. I told them I think I need to take half a year off of school or something just so I can work and get myself caught up and they nearly disowned me. Apparently 70's and low 80's aren't good enough for them either.

They've been putting the pressure on me since I was able to cut out construction paper sillhouettes.

So like I said, it's been a bit crazy in the old Ashley life and I finally snapped last night.

I came into work and the girl working the bar said to me,

"Ashley you didn't fill any of the beer last night. I had to bring up so many cases of beer which is ridiculous because you are supposed to get a beer order and do it the night before I come in! Don't ever do that again!"

I LOST it.

I think I cussed her out, freaked on her said I was too busy that night to stock up becaue the bar was slammed and it's too fucking bad she actually had to get off her lazy ass and work for once.

Then I burst into tears and hid away in one of the other rooms of the bar.

It's like an explosion, you have this loooong wick that gets ignited and finally at the end KA BLAM!

That was me.

It was good that I was at work and not at home because I probably would have packed up all my shit and moved to Florida with my mom. I could just imagine that phone call, "Mom - Im at the airport, come pick me up."

"What do you mean airport?"

"Look, lady if you don't get here in 5 minutes I'll be taking a police escort to your place. Lets not cause a scene."

I talked to one of the girls at work forever and I actually started to feel a bit better. On top of that I got to go home and veg out. I forgot all about school, work, guys, parents, family, friends and watched all my favorite movies. AND I got a good night sleep for once.

See, even I can have a break-down.

One down....

...an abundance more to go.

QUICK UPDATE:

- Finished addictions essay
- Served the band "Thrice" who opened for "My Chemical Romance" Saturday night
- Got drunk and sang with some guy who played at my work last night
- Have unexplained massive bruise on my knee
- It's fucking freezing in Ottawa

Condensed version of my life thus far

All right....

THURSDAY NIGHT
- Argued with a minister on radio about 50 Cent being banned from coming to Ottawa because some kid killed another kid at the premiere of his movie in TORONTO.

Toronto....big surprise huh? Really.

Minister basically said 50 cent sole cause for all the evil in the world.

I said that kids who display agressive behavior towards others are predisposed to violence and they simply use artists, video games, movies as an excuse to act out. Its called Blame Displacement. Parents do it all the time too so their parenting skills don't come into question

If we can blame all our child's problems on 50 cent and getting away with it we must be doing something right, right?

He then argued that 50 Cent is horrible and he shouldn't be allowed in theatres because he makes violence "cool".

No, I said, media makes violence cool. If you want to get rid of 50's movie then you have to get rid of any articles in the newspapers, the news and the internet pertaining to any act of violence against another. We are so engrossed with other people's misery that we'll make it a billion dollar product. Yah, 50 is making money from being violent but so is CNN and other world-renowned media.

Warning labels need to be implemented more. More EXCPLICIT CONTENT! warnings. More DO NOT BUY THIS PRODUCT BECAUSE THERE IS A STICKER ON THER THAT SAYS DO NOT BUY THIS PRODUCT! - Minister

Ashley - Yah.....warning labels are about as effective as restraining orders. Its a tiny label in the corner that says "do not buy" without anything really re-enforcing it, it doesn't mean shit. A restraining order isn't going to shoot the guy who attacks the person he's to stay away from and the warning label isn't going to slap the 11 year old who buys Eminem.

Oh, and telling an 11 year old he can't have something is going to make him want it more....genius.

Kids are too impressionable! 16 year olds need to be highly monitored because they are incapable of thinking on their own! We need leashes! - Minister

Ashley - No, 16 year olds are capable of determining right from wrong. If they fuck up they know the consequences of their acts. If they shoot someone they know its wrong but they wanted to do it anyways - not because 50 told them that it was ok

Minister - We cannot allow criminals who promote rape and violence and make money off of it into this city!

Ashley - Right....thats why we invited George Bush?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

BAR

Hanging out, having a few drinks with my friend Danna...someone grabs my ass

I turn around, "Did you just grab my ass?"

Drunken idiot: "Yah - hahahah"

*SLAP*

Danna: "Holy fuck did you just slap that guy?"

Ashley: "Yah"

Drunken Idiot: "I'm sorry!" runs away with tail between legs

LATER AT THE BAR
(Only 5 drinks)

Danna: "I feel funny"

Ashley:" So do I. I feel really sick and like I'm going to pass out but I didn't drink hardly anything"

LAST THING ASHLEY REMEMBERS IS THAT CONVERSATION

FRIDAY MORNING
*Wake up* 4 pm.

Ashley to herself: "What the fuck....how did I get back here? Why am I still in my bar clothes passed out on my living room floor? What the fuck? What did I drink?"

......

NEVER GOING OUT TO THAT BAR AGAIN.

AT WORK

To Danna: "Hey dude, do you remember leaving the bar?"

Danna: "No, not at all."

Ashley: "Awesome, so we're never going back there again are we?"

SATURDAY MORNING
(Watching lectures)

*Nothing to report here, boring*

SATURDAY AFTERNOON
(Went to pick up a hot chocolate an something wake me up)

Bundled up like an eskimo.

*Chicks behind me*

"Hehehehe look at her, she's like totally from like that really cold place in Canada...like..whats it called again?"

"Uhhh Saskatchewan?"

"Yah, like totally from Saskatchewan. She's like totally from that country! Ha ha loser."

Right. You have fun walking around picking up hyperthermia in your flimsy slut-store-tight-no-lining-faux-everything-20-dollar-jackets and having your tits fall off from frost bite. Seems like you have no brain cells to kill off anyways.

I'll keep my tits thank you.

SATURDAY NIGHT
(Watch more lectures)

Go to work.

Cut off drunken losers

Wash - Rinse - Repeat - Sunday

HIBRENATION DUE TO MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SCHOOL WORK DUE

Day 1.


Shit, that wasn't condensed at all was it?

Goody goody goody goody goody goody!!!!

I haven't gone out since.....holy crap, I don't even remember....but I am sure as fuck going hard tonight!!!!!

My friend called to cancel out on plans tonight, then she heard the musical score to "RENT" playing in the background

She asked what was up with that and I told her that I was trying to see if it lined up with any movies like "Dark Side of the Moon" does with Wizard of Oz.

She'll be here in an hour cause I apparently need the drinking therapy

I find amusement in other people's pain

The funniest thing ever just happened

I was walking to the little convenience store underneath my apartment when some loud mouth punk kid nearly knocked me over on his skateboard.

I yelled at him, the little 12 year old bastard gave me the finger then hit a concrete garbage can and fell promptly on his ass

It was like something taken from America's Funniest Home Video's.

Only it would be called, "Canada's stupid little skater punks that should be in school and not playing hooky and giving their 'elders' the finger or they'll hit a garbage can."

He was ok, embarassed but ok.

I'm still laughing about it.

DON'T FEED THE MONKEYS

I was just doing that to get your attention.

Today has to single-handedly be the BEST day of my life. My children's births will come second to this day.

It all started with me buying the new iPod Nano (unfortunately it doesn't come in lime green which I was so hoping it would - how disappointing) I came home eager to set up my new little gadget and kick myself in the ass for being such a consumer-whoring-sheep.

My excuse was that my discman had seen better days anyways, so why not upgrade?

Right?

Thats right.

Anyways, I get it home and attempt to hook it up. But sure enough, as usual my goddamn computer starts beeping at me and I can't do anything about it. The computer shuts down on me a million times, I get frustrated - hit my CPU with my slipper - cry a little then resort to something no human being should.

GEEK SQUAD!!

Hell, even their WEBSITE says they're on call 24hrs because they can't get dates.

Hows THAT for marketing!

So I make an appointment and the guy on the phone tells me that its going to most likely cost me about $200. I'm slightly pissed since I just dropped $300 on the damn nano (it was a good weekend at work) but I suck it up and tell him to get his pimply-ass over. (well, in not so many words, I want them to FIX my computer not fuck it up more)

Buddy comes over today, he's a nice guy and starts working his magic. First thing he says is that my computer appears to be basically fucked. He messed around with it for about an hour trying to first of all get the mouse to work since its shot - then the computer keeps rebooting itself into safe mode and then it just shuts down all together.

Poor guy can't understand what the hell is going on

Poor me now figures I'm going to owe $300

Then he pulls apart the CPU and goes, "Oh...my...."

I'm thinking, "Fuck - $400"

"Yah your fan is shot, its all covered in crap, the blades aren't rotating causing your CPU to overheat and shut down your computer."

Shit, thats all it was - a broken fan.

He tells me that they don't carry the parts to have the fan replaced therefore: The Service Call is FREE since he didn't really fix anything

If he didn't look like Spock I probably would have kissed him I was so damn excited. I even tried to give him a tip since he DID waste an hour of his time trying to figure out the problem but he wouldn't take it.

I brought my tower downstairs to the little computer store run by two Asian dudes and they had the fan replaced and everything put back together in 20 mins.

Total cost to Ashley: $35.

I thought Hell, may as well pick up a new mouse and keyboard since mine were both sticky from drunken McDonald's chicken nugget dip.

Total cost to Ashley: $60.

Fuck yah, this day has been awesome.

Seriously though, don't feed the monkeys.

So its come to this....

My computer has been really messed up as of late....and by late I mean months and months. I know that I have a virus on here that doesn't allow me to do anything with iTunes or the new iPod Nano that I bought today. Anytime I try to run a scan on my computer it beeps at me - freezes - then shuts down.

It does that also whenever I try to play my CSI computer game or watch a video.

I've tried and tried and tried to fix the problem but its just more than I can handle

So I did it

I actually called the experts

GEEK SQUAD will be at my house tomorrow at 1:30 pm to look at my computer.

I feel so....dirty.....

My Mother: The Woman with FAR too much Time on her Hands

My mom has two dogs...



The one one the bottom of the couch is Campbell. Otherwise known as "The Moose" or "Campbell-licious". He was a rescused dog who lost half the teeth on the bottom row of his mouth when he was hit by a car at 10 months old. He's the sweetest dog in the whole world. He's 75 lbs and just loves everyone.

The one on the top is Chayenne. Otherwise known as "The Mange" because she has a skin condition that causes her to basically chew off the top layer of skin in certain areas. There's nothing really you can do for it other than medication, it doesn't hurt the dog, it just is uncomfortable at times and she chews her skin on occasion.

Now, Chayenne just turned 1 years old (so technically 7...) a few days ago. Apparently my mother has lost her mind since my brother and I don't live there and she decided to have a birthday party for the dog. Which is really cute and all - but kind of disturbing. (especially the "party hat"



She even had a special cake made for the dogs to eat. Apparently there are people out there who make cakes especially for dogs. Once again cute - but disturbing.



My mom needs to get out more.

I thought Canadians were supposed to be the "Good Guys"

Fellow Canadians.....I'm goddamn ASHAMED of some of you

You're giving the rest of us a bad name.

Being a psychology student I'm a natural observer of human behaviour and lately I've been noticing that Canadians (In paticular Ottawa folks) are rude, ignorant, selfish and lazy. Everything that the rest of the world assumes we're not

After all, how can one even think about being rude when you're running from a polar bear or freezing your balls off in an igloo?

For instance, on the bus there are seats that are PRIORITY SEATING for
1. The elderly
2. The disabled
3. Pregnant women
4. People with small children

But it never fails, everytime I get on the bus I always see some teenage punk or some lazy lawyer sitting there while an older person has to push their walker to another seat. Or a mother with small children has to push her way by and stand up as she allows her kids to sit down in seperate rows.

There are reasons why those seats are the closest to the door - THEY'RE FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T WALK, CAN'T BE SEPARATED AND CAN'T STAND UP ON THEIR OWN!

You know who they're not for?

Lazy fucking kids gabbing with their friends not even paying attention to the elderly lady slowing looking for another seat because your ignorant selfish ass for some reason isn't physically capable of standing.

Or for Government employees who figure that just because they work in Parliment they rule the goddamn world so they'll take what they want.

I also hate those people on the bus who sit on the aisle seat or put their bags on the seat beside them when the bus is packed and people are forced to stand. Fuck off Princess, move your bag and let someone else sit down. I'm sure if the situation was reversed you'd be pissed. The world doesn't revolve around you "sadly" enough.

Cell phones are becoming more and more popular amongst Canadians.

I even see 12 year olds carrying around cell phones which is insane.

Shit, when I was 12 I still had to be inside when the street lights came one. I defintely didn't have a cell phone.

But with every bit of technology that comes out people tend to lose their minds and their manners

So here's the top 3 cell phone "Faux Pas": Don't be "cell"-fish.

1. Just because the phone is small doesn't mean you have to SCREAM into it. Talk like a normal person not a fucking banshee. Nobody else cares what marital problems you're having or what time tee off is.

2. For the love of God - when you are in the theatre, in the library or in any quiet public place TURN IT OFF! Turning it off doesn't mean either that you put it on vibrate and talk in a low whispered hush that everyone can STILL hear while they're trying to watch the movie.

Kids and G-Units are especially bad for this.

3. Please NO public conversations about having to pick up your herpe's cream or how killer that foursome with your cousin was. Believe me, no one else wants to hear about it...

And as we all know it, North Americans are OVERWEIGHT!

Thanks to McFatty meals and out of control proportion sizes Canadians are pretty chubby. Half the time obese people do it to themselves by not being able to control their appetites or not eating right and exercising but for the love of God - THAT DOES NOT GIVE THE REST OF THE WORLD AN INVITATION TO MAKE FUN OF, LAUGH AT or INSULT THEM

I'm sick and tired of seeing people turning around gawking, staring or laughing at bigger people. And don't pretend you don't see it either. I'm actually disgusted with my fellow Canadians. I just recently saw a bigger girl out jogging, so at least she's trying, and these two guys burst out laughing - pointing at her - making comments about her "jiggling". The poor girl looked so hurt.

No wonder these people aren't exercising! If they're met with that kind of bullshit I wouldn't want to either!

I can't believe it, how rude and ignorant CANADIANS of all people can be (excluding Quebecer's since on a whole they're pretty rude anyways, no offence) I thought we were the "friendly beer drinking, beaver tossing, polar bear chasing, igloo making, syrup pouring country"?

Now we're no better than the rest of the world.

It's sad really.

Some good has to come of this

Those of you who know me know that I am in lust with Tommy Lee and Nikki Sixx

I was discussing this with an acquitance of mine and I realized that school has actually helped with this lust.

See, if I allowed myself to continue lusting for my little rockstars - it would turn into an obsession...

And obsessions are bad

Obsessions first take over your dreams
Then they move onto your goals
Eventually they consume your entire life and all you can do is think and act in a way that would incorperate your obsession

However....

In order to HAVE an obsession take over one's life - one would actually NEED a life.

Thanks to school, I need not worry about an obsession since it has put a complete HALT on me having a life.

No Life = No Obsession

Right. Well then. I'll just get back to reading this stack of journal articles and become more of an expert on neuroscience.

Maybe I'll find an article on reverse-psychosis because I think I've finally lost my fucking mind after reading what I just wrote.



...but my GOD how could you NOT love that? Christ....

So yah....

I have nothing really to report since all I did today was learn how to write in APA Format and that my school is a fucking ghetto when it comes to online resources.

What I didn't do today was become an expert in neuroscience something which my addiction prof expects for this paper thats due next week.

If anyone can explain to me what the fuck the anterior cintigulate cortex is and where it lies in the nucleus accumbens I'd be forever in your debt.

This was a weak, filler post - if you got something you want me to write about or know my opinion on - Shoot - I have nothing else going on.

Lovely little emails

"Your recent pictures are disgraceful. You should be ashamed of yourself posting such trash." -Anon

"Once a slut always a slut, eh?" - Anon

"And here I thought you were an advocate of women's rights and then you go objectifying them by posting those pictures. You're a blemish on the Women's Liberation" -Sarah (someone I don't even know...?)

"Can't you go an entire day without glorifying yourself and your body? A little humility would suit you." - Anon

"And you wonder why people don't take you seriously when you post slutty pictures of yourself on the internet. You deserve all the backlash that you get for them." - Michelle (once again...no idea who this person is)

"Don't you ever wear clothes?" - Anon


Here's a little present for you Prudes....Merry Christmas.



...shit I just set the Liberation back another 20 years, didn't I?

Things you didn't know about Ashley and probably didn't need to know

I watch Extreme Home-Makeover every Sunday and cry every time.

I have developed a crush on the Cadbury Chocolate guy in the purple suit in the commercials

I believe in ghosts and grew up in a haunted house

I go to great lengths to make sure people don't hear me "do my business" in public restrooms by jiggling the toilet paper or shuffling my feet loudly.

Lane and coconut butter turns me on

I actually really like Lindsay Lohan's new single "Confessions of a Broken Heart"

I sing show tunes in the shower and in the elevator.

I have a fear of being abducted by aliens for scientific experiments (really, who wants to be probed???)

I order Swiss Chalet at least 3 times a week

Almost everyday I day dream about stealing a car, driving off to L.A. and starting all over again by getting into acting (of the PG kind)

I used to have a crush on my Pastor when I went to church. He was young and hot and I'm most certainly going to Hell for it.

I'm secretly jealous of women with implants....especially my mom's because her breasts are so goddamn perfect it drives me nuts. Just don't tell her I told you so.

I've never actually broken a bone in my body but I want to at least once so I can have a cast that people can sign.

When I was about 10 I snuck into my neighbours' house and stole their marbles.

I think Alice Cooper is sexy

My First Attempt

At some different photography....

I'm frail, please be gentle with your critisicism

Most embarassing moment EVER

My grandparents stopped by to take me out to dinner and go Christmas shopping (they're snowbirds, so they stay in Florida until May so we exchange presents at this time)

My grandfather has yet to see my new apartment so they both came in to take a look around. I was giving them the grand tour when the most embarassing thing of my life occured.

I hid all of my "toys" and "shoes" and "movies" before they got there in my closet thinking that they defintely wouldn't open the doors or anything.....apparently I was wrong because my grandfather said, "Oh yah look at all the closet space you've got here, is it spacey inside?" and he WHIPS OPEN my closet door and all my toys and shoes and movies fall to the ground.

INSERT HUGE FUCKING AWKWARD SILENCE HERE

"Um, yah. Looks like you can fit a lot in there" - thanks Grandpa for breaking the silence

I'm pretty sure my face was priceless at that exact moment because I wanted to jump off my balcony. I grabbed my jacket and said, "I'm starving lets go" and hussled everyone out of there as fast as I could.

Dinner was just wonderful.

Bar Rules

1. When I cut you off it's because you're hammered - so don't fight with me over it. The more you fight about it the more obnoxious you look since you're fucking wasted.

2. Just because you're hammered and increase the volume of your voice doesn't mean you are right.

3. When I ask you for ID - take it as a compliment. It means I don't think you're some haggard 70 year old. And when you cause a fuss over it - you've just proved to me that you're most likely underage.

4. Snapping, waving an empty pint glass and screaming at me from the other end of the bar will just make me ignore you even longer.

5. As will leaving a few quarters for each beer you purchase.

6. BY asking, "Whats your cheapest beer here? Does it cost more or less for a pint or a pitcher? Do you not have like, half off drink prices" I know you're being a cheap loser - MacDonald's is across the street. They have the $1.69 deal for you

7. Don't call me over to get you a drink then ask all your friends what they want, sit their himming and hawing for 20 mins and expect me to still be standing there once you've reached your conclusion.

8. WHEN I SAY PLEASE DO NOT STAND AT THE SERVICE STATION I DON'T MEAN PLEASE DON'T STAND THERE RIGHT NOW BUT PLEASE RETURN IN A FEW MINUTES. I will NOT serve you alcohol if you stand at the section where the severs pick up their drinks.

9. Believe me, being intoxicated doesn't make you any smarter whether you think you're Albert Einstein or not.

10. Asking me if I can "catch" my dollar tip isn't degrading for me - its degrading for you because you look like a pompous fuck. It's a PUB not the Ritz-Carlton

11. Little packs of barely 19 tween girls - if you don't WANT to be served by a female - DON'T come to my bar. You can take your spoiled-brat attitude to Inferno across the street - guys there don't give a shit how you talk to them since you're mouth will be full anyways.

FINALLY....

12. LAST CALL DOES NOT MEAN ORDER 12 PITCHERS BEFORE THE BAR CLOSES. IT MEANS GET ONE MORE PINT BECAUSE IN 15 MINUTES, FINISHED OR NOT, I WILL BE GRABBING ANYTHING YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED DRINKING. I'VE BEEN AT THE BAR MUCH LONGER THAN YOU AND HAVE DEALT WITH MORE ASSHOLES - I'M READY TO GO HOME.

I Remember....

A time when all kids had to worry about was what cartoon to watch next instead of whether or not they get to eat that night

A time when parents would be planning their children's weddings instead of their funerals

A time before the U.S. elected a terrorist as President

A time before people went to work in fear that a plane may fly through their building

A time when children skipped along in the street instead of being blown up in them

A time when people could go eat breakfast in a restaurant and not be met with a suicide bomber

A time when people could ride the subway discussing their days instead of wondering what the guy across from them has in his briefcase

A time when people said they'd help end the violence against women - and meant it

A time when people would wave at the veterans who fought for their country instead of being pissed off that the roads were blocked for a few hours

A time when all a kid had to worry about was reading and writing instead of if mommy was coming home that night

A time when kids could stay out past dark without worrying about being kidnapped, raped or killed

A time before the whole fucking World went mad.


Edit: I would like to take this time right now to talk about a very very special man. He would be up everyday at 5:30 am to hand out poppies, rain, shine,cold, hot whatever the weather that man would be at his station volunteering his time up until his death at 65. He wanted the world to Remember, he didn't want anyone to forget and even when he was sick he insisted on being out there delivering a message

This year, and for the past three years that man has been deceased, but I'm sure he still wants the world to Remember. I didn't hand out poppies, but I will dedicate this post to him and everyone who fought for this country - Lest We Forget

Love you Grandpa, you'll always be my phoney baloney.

Someone stole my fucking phone

I was at school today studying for my make up midterm when someone stole my phone RIGHT before I went into the room to write my exam

I had it with me all day today, I'm super careful about making sure I have my phone with me always because I would be lost without it

For one, its my only means of communication. I dont have a landline so everyone I know has my cell number only as a way to reach me

Secondly, its my buzzer number. I can't buzz people into my apartment without my cell phone

Finally ALL MY FUCKING NUMBERS ARE IN THERE IN THAT LITTLE PEICE OF FUCKING PLASTIC CALLED A SIM CARD

I had to run to the washroom really quick before the midterm so I went into the stall and set my cell phone on top of the toilet paper dispensar. I was in such a rush to get to the classroom I ran halfway down the hall before I realized that I left it sitting in the bathroom.

I turned around and rushed back to the bathroom only to find, sure enough, that my fucking cell phone was gone.

FUCK!

Now, the first thing anyone does when they lose their cell phone is call it right away. That way the hopefully kind person who picked it up will answer and tell them where they can pick up their phone

No, not fucking this one.

Instead I call my phone and the asshole has it turned off

You fucking bitch. What the hell are you going to do with my goddamn cell phone??? You're in University can't you afford the $200 to get one of your own you cheap cheap cunt???!!

So I was cell phone-less.

Because some dumb bitch decided she would rot in hell and keep my phone.

Seriously, people make me fucking sick these days

Yeees it was my fault for leaving it in the washroom
Yeees I should be more careful with my toys

But come on! How could you be such a bitch and swipe it without any intention of returning it to its owner??? Christ.

Naturally,I called Rogers right away. They gave me the run around and basically told me that I would be slapped up with all these fees.

I think my exact words were, "GO fuck yourself. Your service is shitty and you've been a huge pain in my ass since I signed up with you. Cancel my service, I'll pay you the fucking 200 dollars and I'm going with Bell"

Click.

And I did, I just bought a new cell phone and package from Bell.

Rogers and the dumb cunt can keep my cell phone.

But Lord help me if I find her, they'll be surgically removing my phone from her forehead.

No jury in the world would convict me

My family is seriously getting on my nerves lately

One, my mom booked my flight to Florida in fucking JULY before I even knew when my final exam would be. Now I have to be on a flight at 2 in the afternoon on the 21st of Dec and be writing an exam at the same time

Genius mom, for being a lawyer you think you'd know better.

My grandmother called me this morning at like 7 in the morning just to tell me about her day and the squirrel she saw across the street burrowing under one of the townhouses. Apparently this is a goddamn crisis since she's called every person on the townhouse committee to talk about this goddamn squirrel. I told her to leave the squirrel alone and to never call again at this time

"Well, shouldnt you be studying????"

"In order to study, I need to sleep first."

"You shouldn't have been out all night drinking then! Were you drinking?? Humm??"

"Yes, I got so completely plastered I woke up next to a circus midget in my own vomit"

"Oh honestly Ashley,you need to take more resposibility"

This coming from the woman who stands gaurd in her kitchen making sure those squirrels aren't up to any mischeif

I think I hung up on her because she just called me again. I didn't bother answering the phone

It's really a Catch 22 with my family, I'm fucked if I do and I'm defintely fucked if I don't.

When I DON'T answer the phone they think I'm up to no good.

Which 90% of the time they would be correct.

But the other 10% is because I don't want to listen to them telling me that I don't eat right,wouldn't I rather be a lawyer and "Why are you answering the phone?? Shouldn't you be studying??? I was just going to leave you a message!"

Because when I DO answer the phone they get all on my case about how I should have my phone off with my face buried in some textbook.

Eat your veggies and chain yourself to the study cubicle in the library.

Even when I tell my mom that I am studying to make sure she ends up in one of those fancy retirement homes she still finds something to give me shit about.

My mom's still kicking my ass from fucking miles away.

And my grandmother no doubt is still chasing that damn squirrel as I type this.

Dr. S on the prowl

I've been working on this goddamn research proposal for my seminar in Criminology all day and it's beginning to drive me batty.

Basically I have to write a 25 page research proposal in whatever topic I choose.

I chose to look at recidivism rates amongst murders (recidivism basically just means to re-offend) My research proposal is to look at the mediating factors shared by murderers that indicate whether or not they will re-offend upon release.

Next on the proposal menu I have to describe in full detail how I propose to collect my data, analyze it, the groups I will be researching, how many of them I will be researching, what Psychological tools I will be using ie. The Hare PCL-R, SIRS, DSM-V etc etc.

Then I have to write up why this research needs to be done while referencing previous literature on the subject.

Yah, I have literally 2 weeks to do this

I just got the assignment last week.

Its totally fucked.

First of all, my Prof expects far too much from this proposal. I'm only a third year Psychology student who has never done anything of this caliber before. Hell, I didn't even know WHERE to find Peer Reviewed Journals/Literature until early this semester. Carleton's University sucks reese's monkey ass when it comes to decent online journal articles since apparently 5 grand a year isn't enough to foot the bill for these articles so they expect me to either a) Pay for them or b) take another 5 hours looking up articles I don't have to pay 20$ a peice for

Secondly, 3 weeks? What the FUCK?

In the REAL world it takes researchers months to come up with a decent proposal that has everything in its neat little place. If this is to prepare me for the "real world" of research shouldn't I be entitled to the same amount of time?

And finally, the assignment itself is just completely flawed. Her outline and everything she expects completely contradicts itself. She said to make it parsimonius, but make sure to elaborate on every single point so another researcher could easily manipulate the project. The hell? She also said to create a research proposal that could be applied to every aspect of what we have covered in class so far. Yah, there's been 9 weeks of class which makes over a hundred pages of notes and you want it simplified and condensed into 25 pages in 3 weeks?


Seriously, what the fuck is up with high professor expectations? Holy Christ its a 3rd year assignment not a fucking Master Thesis Proposal.

But the coconut bubble bath made me feel a lot better....

I need a vacation

So who wants to foster my ass for a week??


...Anyone?


.........*crickets*

This is what a spoiled brat looks like

"Your blog is full of nothing but you whinning about everything that happens to you. You selfish, spoiled brat. Life is so hard for you isn't it? Being able to go to school, having a roof over your head, being able to eat everyday. Life is so hard. Grow up and stop acting so spoiled. - Anonymous"

I see.

1) I'm on a scholarship. I busted my ass off to obtain an A (85%) average all through high school and continue to bust my ass off to maintain that scholarship. Mommy and Daddy haven't contributed shit all to my education even though they have offered

2) I purchase all of my school books on my own with my own hard earned cash. Once again, mommy and daddy pay for nothing associated with my schooling

3) I work full time. I also go to school full time. Many hours of much needed sleep and going out to visit with friends are sacrificed.

4) I pay for my own rent, groceries, clothing, entertainment, furnishings, etc. I pay for all of this because I work full time, I EARN my money like most North Americans.

5) I took a year off of school after graduating from high school to stay with my grandmother after my grandfather passed away so she wouldn't be home alone and lonely. She never asked me to, I just did it

6) I foster small animals and pay for their care out of my own pocket - and I love it. A monthly donation is also taken out of my bank account at the beginning of each month to support the humane society. It pays for food, shelter, bedding etc. This donation is also paid for by my job.

I pay to have this life.

I work to have this life.

Mommy and daddy don't cut me a monthly check nor do they pay the bills.

So fucking sue me when I feel the need to complain or vent that I've been working too much or school's been a strain on me. Why don't you save your breath and email the Prada toting "daddy's little girls" who bitch about not having the car on Friday night about being spoiled, because I am far fucking from it.

Crap.

I'm having some serious man issues right now

Man issues in the sense that I have an obsessed middle ager desperately clinging onto the hope that he's still young and fertile by attempting to use me as his midlife crisis

This guy, we shall call him Chris* comes into my bar every monday day when I work and Friday night when I work.

He's a really nice guy, middle age - late 30's I believe - he's also a lawyer here in Ottawa. He always orders the same thing, comes in at the same time and ALWAYS leaves a ridiculously big tip.

Now here's the problem:

Apparently Chris is obsessed with me.

I didn't find this out until this afternoon when he came in for his beer. We were just shooting the shit as usual when Chris started asking me odd questions like, "So is there a man in your life? When was your last boyfriend? Do you have time to date someone with school and work?"

I'm not going to lie to you, I was a little thrown off.

So I answered his questions and tried to switch the conversation but Chris kept pressing on asking me more questions about what my "type is" what I generally look for in a guy

Truth be told, Ive always been into the tall, lean, shaggy dark hair, 5 o'clock shadow, tattooed/peirced rocker/skater boy. The lawyer-business suit guy has never really been my thing. I have nothing against his age since we all know I've dated in the late 30's.

But I'm just not interested in this guy at all.

I tried to let him down easy by telling him that I wasn't his type at all. I was into classic/hard rock, I have tattoos, I have many peircings, I prefer punk bands to Fraiser and my hair never remains the same color for long

You know what he said?

THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU!

He said that he's attracted to my outgoing, outspoken personality and that he' d like to date me because I'm the total opposite of what he usually goes for.

Opposite, no shit - about 20 years of opposite.

He even went so far as to suggest that I'd probably be wild in the sack just because I listen to Alice Cooper (in not so many words mind you)

So now I have this fucking lawyer all over my apparent "rebellious" 22 year old ass and I have no idea how to let him down gently without telling him that I wouldn't reproduce with him if we were the last two humans alive. He's a really nice guy and all but defintely NOT my type.

I really don't want this dude to bust a nut so what the hell do I do?

I got a promotion!!

I am now the Friday and Saturday night bartender.

Which is fucking sweet since this weekend alone I've already made a grand from bartending those two shifts

Maybe now I can pay off my student loans without having to change my name to, "Bambi" and swining around a pole.

Shooters all around!

Edit: I should also mention the following:

To all you stuck up, painted on make up, straight out of high school bitches in teeny-weeny tops who come into MY bar and give ME attitude, just remember: I touch your drinks. Next time I go to the washroom I'll be sure to NOT wash my hands and rub them all over your White Russian cocktail glasses.

Translation: Go self fornicate with your nasty ass attitudes. If you want to be complete fucking bitches go to some Gino bar where I'm sure some big guy with blue sunglasses called Ali will be more than happy to listen to your crap as you give him head.

I'm Not Normal

Since I'm completely strung out on cold medicine and that pink shit I have nothing else to do than to sit on the couch and watch old movies

The best, of course, being The Labyrinth

For many reasons

1. Jennifer Connelly is easy on the eyes
2. It has puppets
3. David Bowie in spandex
4. Puppets

My parents, when we were one happy functional family used to host a "movie and pizza night" for my brother and I every friday night. Mainly because my mom was too damn lazy to cook and we certainly didn't want dad's infamous chicken and mac&cheese.

Thats all he knew how to cook

So at the movie store my brother used to rent the oddest possible movies he could find such as "Fire and Ice" which is some cartoon movie with adults in leopard print and I would ALWAYS rent The Labyrinth. It just got to that point where the guy at the movie store just put it on hold for me.

I never quite understood why my parents didn't just buy it for me....I'm going to call mom and ask.

I also discovered today that I'm a little attracted to David Bowie when he's in his make-up and spandex.

Seriously, I think the meds are in full force today.


Now, I have a question for everyone to try to wrap their heads around. I won't give you what I think the answer would be until later. Last night at the bar a couple regulars and I were talking about how one of their friends who happens to be an auditor went to go talk to a man who owed thousands. The guy knew he was caught for tax ivasion and was in a shit load of trouble.

So the auditor went over to the man's house and as soon as he stepped in he saw a gun sitting on the kitchen table. The man didn't offer an explanation for the gun being there and the auditor didn't ask.

The man knew he was obviously screwed so would the gun.

The question is: The man knew as did the auditor that he was screwed so if taken to court, could the man be charged with anything? ie.. Intimidation etc etc.

Doesn't appear like I'll be writing my criminal behaviour exam today as I can't even leave my bed. I think I now have the flu.

Nothing better than midterms and the continual need to run to the bathroom

Why do the people upstairs hate me so much?

Oh, my addictions exam - ridiculously hard.

Chances that I passed?

Fairly good.

Chances that I passed with more than a 50%

Poor.

On my tombstone I want it to say, "I told you so"

I'm pretty sure one can die from lack of sleep and extreme amounts of stress

I closed Wed night so I didn't get home until midnight

Then I was up Thursday by 7 to study

Went to work, got off at 3 am - went to bed

Woke up at 7

Went to school - studied until now

Came home, quick shower

Back to school for 5 to write exam after 2 more hours of studying

Then to work until 3 am

Then up Saturday morning for 6 am to study

Meet study group at 8am library

Write exam at 10 until noon



Death is probably next on the menu.



Edit: And if I want to keep in theme with the midterm I'm studying for, everything I just said would roughly translate into:

"I'm experiencing highly anxiologenic effects in the ventral tangmentral A10 area of my mesolimbic system in the midbrain. This in turn is causing my neurons to fire rapidly due to the exogenous factors which is producing organicity in my brain and necrosis is occuring. In order to alleviate these effects I will need to re uptake my endogenous catchelcholmines by process of up regulation in order to maintain homeostasis in my system. "

*We're sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed because Roger's is run by fucking idiots* Please hang up and try a better service provider

This morning I got up to study when I realized that I forgot one of my text books at work.

I went to call them on my cell phone, which happens to be my only means of communication since I don't have a house line, and my phone cut out on me.

"We're sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up"

Odd, I thought. I know I paid the bill, I did it about two weeks ago.

So I tried again and once again...

"We're sorry..."

I dialed *611 and had to wait about 30 mins listening to elevator music after I spent forever arguing with the fucking automated voice system.

"Thank you for calling Rogers, to increase our customer service we have now installed a voice activated service to guide your call. Please say your telephone number starting with the area code now"

"613 24* ****"

"Was that 613 24* 4436?"

"No."

"Please say your telephone number starting with the area code"

I tried once more, and once again the thing fucked up

"Please say..."

"....operator please"

"I'm sorry, I did not understand your request. Please say your telephone number..."

"OPERATOR!" * frantically pressing 0 0 0 0 0 0

"I'm sorry, I did not understand your request please wait on the line while Rogers sends you to one of our customer service agents"

*Wait for another 20 mins on hold, elevator music playing*

"Rogers has new options! Please pick one of the following...for accounting information"

Ok, what the fuck??? Didn't I just hold 20 mins for an operator???

Frantically pressing 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 again.

"We're sorry, we are unable to complete your request. Please wait while we transfer you to one of our customer service agents"

Holy. Dear. Fuck.

"Alo, tank yew for callin' Rogah's A-Te-Et-Te. Ho' maye I derect yor call?"

"Hi, my phone's been disconnected even though I paid my bill in full two weeks ago."

"Alo ma'am yew vill need to talk to vun of hour representatifs in billing's pless ho'd while I deerect your call"

Once again, shitty goddamn elevator music. People have been studying for years the trigger effetcs for serial murder, I think they missed one....its right up there with bedwetting and pyromania

"Alo Bievneue a la Roger's A-te-Et-te commence ca va?"

"Hi, English please. I'm calling because my phone has been deactivated even though I paid my bill two weeks ago."

"Alo ma'dam *blah blah blah french french more french tabernaque, saclament, french french, french"

"Hi english please I need your billing department!"

Honestly, I've already been on the phone for at least 30 mins now. FINALLY...

"Hi thank you for calling Rogers AT and T this is Chris speaking, how may I help you?"

"Yes, my phone's been disconnected even though I paid my bill in full two weeks ago."

"Ok, your name, address and telephone number starting with the area code"

After all is said and done he goes,

"Yes, this number has been de-activated due to an outstanding balance"

"No, I paid it in full two weeks ago"

"We have no record of your payment ma'am"

"I'm looking at my online statement now!"

"You pay your bills online?"

"No, I just said it for effect. YES I pay them online"

"Can I have the transaction number please?"

*Blah blah*

"Sorry ma'am , there is no transaction here with that number. Your last payement was processed October 20."

"....YES that was the payment I made two fucking weeks ago!"

Yes, I cursed
Yes, he was offended and told me to stop that it wasn't helping anything

"There must have been a glich in our computer"

No fucking shit, really?

"We can reactivate your account now, but there will be a 25$ activation fee on your next statement"

"Ok, so let me get this straight - your monkeys fucked up, lost my payment, cut off my only means of communication because YOU fucked up and now you want ME to pay for it??"

"It was beyond out control ma'am, you have to pay the activation fee. It will appear on your next statement"

"I'm not paying shit! YOU messed up! I'm not paying for it!"

"Sorry ma'am, you need to pay the activation fee"

"The only fee I'll be paying is the 100$ charge to cut off my service because you people are idiots. Thanks for being completely and utterly useless. I'll look for a service provider who doesn't hire remedial high school drop outs."

"Actually, I'm sure we can wave the fee, I'll have it removed from the account and we'll give you a hundred dollar credit on your next statement if you stay with us"

Yah, thats what I thought asshole.

Needless to say it was one fucked up morning. I wasted an hour of my life arguing with pre-schoolers.

Fucking Rogers.

Someone will die

Today was the only day I could sleep in this week

And someone fucking pulled the fire alarm at 8 am.

If you don't want to have a foot surgically removed from your ass I suggest you all stay away from me today.