Oi! Whats all this then???!!

I got a new hat the other day.

I also have a digital camera and a mirror.

You know the score...

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Did anyone get the plate number of that truck??

1 midterm down

2 more to go

Developmental Psychology was once again a kick in the ass.

Multiple choice exams to begin with are fucking ridiculous since they're not a valid assessment of knowledge in a subject. If anything, they're misleading.

For example?

One of the questions that was on the exam was

"A researcher takes kids from a grade 10 class and kids from a grade 9 class and studies the effect of sleep deprevation in relation to grades over the rest of their high school career. Is this an example of
a) Longitudinal Study
b) Cross Sectional Study
c) Sequential Study
d) Cross Sectional and Longitudinal Study"

Well wouldn't you know it

That C is actually D !

So what the fuck does she expect???? C and D are the exact same thing just different names!

Last time I checked, this examination was in DEVELOPMENTAL PSYCHOLOGY not PSYCHIC ABILITIES. Am I supposed to read my professor's mind and come up with what I would think her response would be to that question?


I've already had a skew of kids knocking at my door tonight trick or treating. I'm pretty sure my door is going to get egged since I wasn't planning on handing out candy. Being a student the only thing they'd get from me would be a couple boxes of KD and half empty condiment bottles. Although I do think I have half a bag of Doritos hidden somewhere in my cupboard.

Mom called me today as well to let me know that she was O.K.

Actually, she could have called me about 4 days ago to let me know that she was O.K. but she assumed I was working so I wouldn't have been able to answer the phone.

Because apparently my work is more important than my own mother's welfare.

That the 72 hrs she spent in labor with my 10 lbs. 9 ounces ass was nothing compared to the fucking shitty ass job that I have.

Honestly, I think all the hurricanes in Florida have finally gotten to her.

Anyways, she's ok. Half her master bedroom's wall is gone, her brand new outside bar/beach area she built (that cost her over 4 grand) is destroyed along with her brand new Ford Expedition and Jeep Cherokee. She had to medicate the dogs with Gravol because they were tearing the house apart during the storm, and she had to medicate herself with Captain Morgan's just to pass the time.

I told her a Hurricane was hardly an excuse for her to drink, I've seen her put it away before for less.

Happy Hallowe'en Kids, I'm going to get drunk and watch Horror Movies.



I totally just spilled an entire can of Diet Pepsi all over my new WHITE Ikea couch.

I'm not going to lie to you, I'm a little pissed off.

I did it while I was watching a commercial for Big Brother's.Apparently they're auctioning off bachelors to raise money for the organization

Which is great, I'm all about Charity

But if the bachelors that they are auctioning off are anything like the ones that were shown on the commercial there's going to be a few pissed off kids pushing themselves on the swing set.

Because the only ones that would spend their money on those guys would be little ol' ladies with penny purses loking for a cribbage partner.

I'm still fucking pissed off about the Pepsi.

*This is what someone looks like after 8 hrs of studying boring developmental Psychology

** Note the Napoleon Dynamite shirt, I could do some wicked jumps with this shirt.

Useless Post

Ever notice when it's exam/midterm time the days just seem to flow into each other.

I was convinced all day that it was actually Sunday

And that Hallowe'en was tomorrow.

I'm going to need that extra hour I think.....


And to add a little more irrelevance to this post I nearly took off my finger last night at work by slamming it into a beer fridge.

It was very painful.

*This has been a competely useless post brought to you by the letter R and the number 2.


*DISCLAIMER: Extreme Vulgarity Ahead - Read with Caution (and don't say I didn't warn you)

Super Slut Hilton is at it again.

I can't even begin to hide my disgust with that self absorbed whiny little cunt. I seriously can't.

Aside from the fact that she's a fucking idiot, bathing in the glory of being known only as a boyfriend stealer who gives sloppy head on camera she isn't famous. Her family isn't famous. Owning a Hotel chain hardly makes you a Rockafeller

She's fucking famous for being un-famous.

Oh, and occasionally calling off weddings when she clicks from "domestic" mode to "slutty little party girl tara reid wanna be" mode

Someone explain to me the logic here?

While other celebrities are out there helping to fight world Poverty and Aids she's sitting back in her plushy chair giving a blowjob to the man-whore of the week and racking in the publicity. No wonder chicks are still referred to as "sluts" and "whores" with fucking bimbo's like Paris Hilton running around in her promiscuous high pumps. Someone needs to seriously take her Gucci bag and ram it down her chicken-bird neck.

Now, there are many reasons for why I hate Paris Hilton, but the main one is how she treats her animals like fucking luggage.

Recently she was quoted as saying, "I'm so over Tinkerbell" and she's now carting around a pet ferret.

I'm so over Tinkerbell?

The fuck?

Last time I checked Tinkerbell was a DOG not some fucking video game you cast off to the side when you save the Princess.

How the hell can she sit there and say she's "grown out" of her dog? Its a living, breathing, sentient being with thoughts and feelings of its own. What a fucking selfish, self absorbed, brain dead goddamn bitch! How PETA or any other organization isn't all over her ass right now! If she was just within reach I'd grab whatever part of her skeletal body I could and kick the living crap out of her.

I'm sorry for the graphic nature of this post but I just have 0 tolerance for people like her that treat animals like accessories, not living breathing beings with the right to a good, caring home. How the hell is it the dogs fault that being "arm candy" is no longer the "in" thing?? Its like when parents buy their kids bunnies at Easter time then cast them off by the next Holiday. Do people not realize that these animals have a life that spans OVER a few months? More like years? A decade even?

I'd hate to think that people are that fucking ignorant and choose to ignore their pets after they've become "passè".

Its especially worse that it's Paris Hilton who's the one casting off her pet since for some unexplained reason that would make an entire season of X-Files, people look up to this retarded bimbo.

Next thing you know Rover is going to be replaced with Fuzzy-Pants because of some bottle blond camera slut. I'm not saying that its going to be an epidemic of people casting aside their pets because of one "famous" bitch, but sadly enough there are people out there who would slit their own wrists if Paris said it was cool.

So Paris, this one's for you:

Why don't you concentrate on your lifelong goal to suck the cock of every famous man in society, stick at what you're good at (that being getting nailed from behind in the dark and starting petty feuds with all the celebrity females that are prettier than you) and leave the pets alone. You're not even capable of looking after yourself without a fucking script in front of you so you're defintely not capable of looking after another life form.

The next time I hear her say, "Thats hot!" it better be because someone is burning that fucking witch at the stake so her supposedly "pretty little face" burns off.


Hurricane Wilma

My mom got caught in the eye of the storm and she was supposed to call me by latest today to tell me that everything was O.K. She hasn't called yet so I am seriously hoping that the power is still out and everythings all right. She lives in West Palm Beach Florida, so they apparetly got the brunt of it, the storm lasted several hours. She doesn't even live by the coast so I amhoping she didn't get hit too hard.

Last time I spoke to her she had the dogs all doped up on medicine so they wouldn't freak out, all her doors and window's were boarded up and she brought all the stuff from her outside bar in. That was Sunday night.

It's now Wednseday.

I'm getting worried.


Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me and Ron Jeremy(?)

All right you little bastards, you've all been emailing me and demanding a full on description of my weekend.

So here you go.

God you're pushy

I had to be up by 4 am in order to get dressed and ready to leave for Toronto at 7 am.By the time we did actually leave it was closer to noon since we all stopped for Denny's which was a huge mistake because the waiter was an idiot and I felt sick for the rest of the day.

I went with 6 other girls, 3 of us were models, the other two were helping out with the display and the third was the owner of the place I was modeling for (BestHeels - its a fantasy shoe company)

We finally got there and checked into the Westin on the Harbor (now, picture 4 girls - one room - one bathroom) so it was pretty much Hell getting ready. When we were all geared up and ready to go we ran down the stairs in our outfits since the shoes were a pain to get on we didn't want to take them off and then back on again at the show.

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These are my boots for the first night

Needless to say I think we terrified the yuppies at the Westin when 3 girls were walking around in panties, t shirts and stripper boots. There was this huge urologist seminar at the hotel as well so all these doctors kept asking to take their pictures with us. Which was pretty awesome actually.

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This is my outfit

The chicks just gave us attitudes as they loaded themselves into their Lexus'

The first day of the show I was talking to this old porn star - her name is Summer Haze.

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Very nice woman, I have two of her videos that she gave me. As I was talking to her I felt someone grab my ass cheeks and say, "Nice ass honey - very nice!"

I'm about to deck this fucking creep in the face when I turn around and it's Ron Jeremy.

All I could say was, "Holy shit you're Ron fucking Jeremy!"

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He signed this for me

He kept insisting on seeing my tits, which I didn't allow then as he was signing something for me he asked to sign just the top of my cleavage. I agreed and suddenly both his hands were up my bra the dirty freakin' pervert. He liked, he said I looked like a porn star he used to work with. Mary Carey or something?

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Her picture is here....

Anyways, he was apparently in love with me and he asked me to go to his personal party that he was holding that night. I declined because I was exhausted (and I defintely didn't want to go) but thanked him anyways.After that nothing really happened, we all went back to the hotel at midnight and passed out from exhaustion

The Saturday we had to wake up at 9 am to be ready for 11 am. We ordered some room service, destroyed the hotel room and once again went down in our little uniforms freaking everyone out. I think the bellhops were in love. The other girls I was with were drop dead gorgeous and VERY nice.

We got to the show, was doing our thing looking at the other displays and promoting our business. Ron came up to me and said, "You didn't call or write! Why didn't you come last night!" (apparently I was all he was talking about that night according to the Summer Haze chick.) I told him I was exhausted from the trip and the show that night. We ended up having lunch together and he was actually very polite, asked me about school what I wanted to do etc etc. then gave me his card in case I ever wanted to get into the business

So now I have Ron Jeremy's phone number. Pretty kick ass if you ask me.

That night we went out to some VIP club called Creativity or something ridiculous like that.I aboslutely hate Toronto for its fake plastic people that are so completely self absorbed its disgusting. I seriously have a hate on for most T.O. chicks - they may be good looking but their attitudes make them ugly as all sin. Not to mention I can't stand it when men walk around in sun glasses inside a dark club at 3 am. Like what the fuck????? Is the glare from your ego too much for your eyes or what?

Sure enough, I'm in the bathroom and some chick comes in and gives me attitude. I had pink and black extensions put in for the show thatI was too lazy to take out before we went out. So she goes,

"Ugh...whats up with your hair?"

"Excuse me?" I'm currently washing my hands.

"What's up with your hair?"

"What do you mean whats up with it?"

"Why is it like pink and black"

"I don't know, whats up with your implants why is one of them lopsided?"

She didn't like that

"What???!! Fuck you bitch!"

"No, fuck you! Why don't you get a little more botox you missed a spot!" pointed to my forehead with my middle finger

She's now all up in my face like she's ready to deck me.

I simply said,"Do it your anorexic bitch, punch me right here. I'll fucking snap you in half...just do it...punch me"

She did nothing but go, "Ugh whatever!" and walked away

I really would have hit her, she was fucking annoying.

We left the bar soon after since I was in a huff and hated the place got back to the hotel - drank more - went to bed - woke up hungover - got ready at 11 once again on the Sunday - went back to the show - showed off more stuff....Ron once again had to tell me that he needed to work with me one day. What a cute little hamster he is.

Then a few Playboy photographer's approached me, gave me their cards and told me to get in contact with them. At first I didn't believe them until they showed me an actual copy of Playboy and their pictures were in the editorial part.

Overall the weekend was pretty awesome. I watched some crazy shit, got spanked by a man in leather as I layed across a saw horse.I thought I loved spanking before but I've been had a leather strap slap me. That was exciting, I need to get one.

I got a ton of free shit like the following...The Tongue and a normal vibrator. I also got the Rabbit but I can't remember where I put it, everything hasn't been unpacked yet. I also got a shit load of jelly's, lubes, condoms, cute little outfits and I get to keep everything I wore.

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Seriously, you all should have gone.


Everything about sex show

I just got back from T.O. (so I am exhausted) and had an amazing time at the sex show. The displays were amazing, the seminars were both useful and interesting and the fucking men were out of site

I have to go to work so I really don't have the time to give you all the details yet, but I will say that Ron Jeremy wants to have my babies.

Which is both hilarious and disgusting at the same time.


Leave a message stick a note in a place I'll never find

I'll be gone to Toronto all weekend, so there will be no updates until Monday.

But I promise to come back with many stories and hopefully some pictures.


As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death...

My one day off where I have NO school and NO classes and I have to spend it wasting away in the Carleton CUTV room.

CUTV for those people who have no idea what I am talking about is the program Carleton created to generate more money from us already broke students.

Basically a fair majority of program courses are recorded (mostly psychology and law classes) are broadcasted over Roger's Digital Cable. Mind you, this isn't cheap. You have to pay for the digital box plus the channel which comes out to additional $100/month on top of your $5,000 tuition.

You can also rent the tapes at 2$/each but come exam time if the two tapes they have per lecture are already taken out - you're fucked. And you only have the tapes until the next day. And for every hour your tapes are late its a $1/hour fee. Which doesn't seem like a lot but believe me, I am so bad at bringing things back on time Carleton's already collected almost $100 of my ass in late fees.

They seriously need to go have a chat with Blockbuster

Anyways, I will be spending the rest of my beautiful autumn day in the Carleton CUTV room watching lecture tapes. Come in and say hi.



A friend of mind is leaving for Australia (she'll be gone for 6 months) and I need a few suggestions as to what I can put on a CD that I am making for her.

So far I have:

1- Land down Under
2 - Here I go Again (on my own)
3 - Hope you Had the Time of Your Life
4- 500 Miles (only because its annoying and she hates it so)

And thats all I got. I'm trying to get some upbeat, travel tunes for her to walk around with since she'll be back packing pretty much the entire trip.

Brain is not functioning as normal since it is midterm time and my thoughts have been entirely focused on research methods and developmental psychology. So any suggestions would be welcomed.

Back to the grind.



Normally I could give a fuck what people say to me, after a while you just get so used to the same re-hashed insults and hypocritical bullshit that you just become numb to it.

But the past few posts of mine have caused quite a stir in my little internet community forcing me to write this post when instead I could be doing better things.

Why am I posting then? Because after recieving about 30 emails all of which from the same group of idiots spamming my email address I'm a little sick and tired of it all.

I know that the majority of the idiots that come here to insult me are sitting in their parents basement eating Kraft Dinner with a psychological hard on for insulting people they don't even know. Thats why it doesn't phase me. But when I get a shit load of emails that are the same crap message after message it becomes a little repetitive and quite annoying.

My blog is an escape from my normal hectic schedule of school and work. I come here to vent, let off a little steam and take a break from my non-existant life.

I genuinely could care less whether you think I'm an egotistical bitch and completely self absorbed. Everyone's entitled to their opinion - BUT THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN YOU ARE CORRECT.In light of these recent attacks, I'd like to address the following points instead of focusing on each individual email as that would be fruitless and time-consuming.

1. If you're going to insult my verbal intelligence at least get a transcript of my academic progress. It's quite irritating to read the exact same, "You're so stupid you airhead" emails day in day out. You have no proof of my intelligence so I'm going to give it to you. If you think you're so fucking smart you can analyze the data yourself.

EARNED: 6.5 Credits6.5
CGPA Points 9.69

+ 1) 2.0 credits in LAWS 1000 [1.0], LAWS 2004 [1.0]
2.0 cr. Complete
04WN LAWS 1000 1.0 A
05WN LAWS 2004 1.0 A

- 2) 0.5 credit from LAWS 3305 or LAWS 3306
.0 cr. Complete
CUR .5 Credits
06WN LAWS 3305 0.5 CUR

- 3) 3.0 credits in PSYC 1001, PSYC 1002, PSYC 2400,
PSYC 3402 PSYC 3000 [1.0]
1.5 cr. Complete
CUR .5 Credits
03FA PSYC 1001 0.5 A-
04WN PSYC 1002 0.5 A
04FA PSYC 2400 0.5 A+
05FA PSYC 3402 0.5 CUR
NEEDS: 1.0 Credit

+ 4) 1.0 credit in (PSYC 2001 & PSYC 2002) or
PSYC 2000 [1.0]
1.0 cr. Complete
05WN PSYC 2001 0.5 A-
05WN PSYC 2002 0.5 A+

- 5) 1.0 credit in Psychology at the 2000-level or above
.0 cr. Complete
CUR 1.0 Credit
05FA PSYC 2500 0.5 CUR
06WN PSYC 4001 0.5 CUR

- 6) 0.5 credit in Psychology at the 3000-level or above
.0 cr. Complete
CUR .5 Credits
06WN PSYC 3604 0.5 CUR

+ 7) 1.0 credit in SOCI 1000 [1.0]
1.0 cr. Complete
04WN SOCI 1000 1.0 B+

+ 8) 1.0 credit in SOCI 2505, SOCI 2701
1.0 cr. Complete
05WN SOCI 2445 0.5 A- >>MATCHED AS: SOCI 2505
04FA SOCI 2450 0.5 A- >>MATCHED AS: SOCI 2701

It takes a little reading, but you get the idea. All that really matters is the 9.69 CGPA

2) If you're going to email me try not to be a hypocrite. To call me a fucking bitch and that I am this and that makes you no better than myself. If you think I'm such a cunt because when people piss me off I call them on it YOU'RE JUST DOING THE EXACT SAME THING THAT I AM DOING. Hey, you don't like me and you're calling me out for it? Thats fine. But try making a valid argument instead of a hyprocritical one next time.

3) My business is none of yours. If it's not posted on the blog then there's a good chance I don't feel the need to discuss it with you. Comments like that one in the previous post are completely unwarranted. If you want to know something about me, ask - don't assume whatever the fuck you want. It doesn't work that way.

4) The "you're so full on yourself because you post pictures of yourself" card is a little played out and I have to admit, I'm a little tired of hearing it. You are probably the same fucking people who cream over Jennifer Aniston, and Angelina and run out to buy the first issue of all the celebrity magazines. Newsflash: They have pictures of them taken everyday. Are they egotistical too? I'm quite comfortable with how I look and I'll be the first to admit it. If you're that fucking concerned about it: Don't Look. Its not rocket science. And I thought you people were supposed to be smarter than me?

5) Cowarding behind a veil of anonymity automatically renders your opinions invalid.

6) Finally if you really seriously hate me that much and genuinely feel like you need to tell me why I'm such a stain on your pathetic existence, email me your MSN address and discuss it with me. If you want me to add you so that you can inform me in a mature and coherant fashion why I'm such a terrible person forward me your MSN addy through my reasonableinsomnia@yahoo.ca address.

I promise I'll take the few minutes to go over it with you.I've said my bit, now off to bigger and better things.

Dear Asshole:

You were not removed from the concert tonight because of me

You were removed from the concert tonight because you were being an obnoxious asshole pissing everyone off and trying to ruin the show.

So if you want someone to blame for your removal, blame yourself and your little fucking girlfriend too.

Another bit of advice, alcohol doesn't in fact make you "funnier" - it makes you an obnoxious, annoying creep who is the only one laughing at his own fucking "jokes".

Oh, and sicking your 4 foot girlfriend on 4 chicks almost 3x the size of her: Smooth.

I went to the Matt Good show tonight with 3 of my friends and we were seriously stoked for the evening. I always love the shows and couldn't wait to hear him live again. My friends and I pushed our way to the front and were having a great time.

Then this asshole during every guitar change and inbetween sets starts belting out, '"SYMBOLISTIC WHITE WAAAALLLLS!!" He was tolerated for the first two times, but by the third time I believe I heard Matt say he wasn't going to play that song.

Naturally this fucking nomad just assumed that his over consumption of alcohol and 20 minute wait outside of the music hall gave him the God given right to act like a complete fucking idiot. So he keeps screaming out, "PLAY SYMBOLISTIC WHITE WALLS!"

I've had just about enough of this fucking loser so I turn around and say, "Dude - he isn't going to play the song, seriously -please just stop so the rest of the people can enjoy it"

Then buddy starts freaking out on me causing a huge fucking scene at the side of the stage causing people's attention to be focused on this idiot trying to form a coherant insult directed towards myself.

The drunken fuck could barely manage to scrape two words together so he sics his 4 foot monster girlfriend on me instead. She starts to ream me out all the while I'm trying to enjoy the music but I can't because this dumbshit keeps yelling behind me.

Words were exchanged between myself and the hobbit girlfriend and I felt terrible as I was trying to diffuse the situation for those around us and especially for the guys on stage. I told her to give it up, it was over, stop being obnoxious and immature - that this wasn't an all ages show so she could take her attitude elsewhere.

She starts calling me Barbie (because you know, its so totally original and I've never heard that before. It must really be insulting to be referred to as a tall leggy blond with big tits, I just may need therapy now) and continues getting in my face acting like a total fucking idiot.

Her boyfriends STILL yelling out "PLAY SYMBOLISTIC WHITE WAAAALLLLS!!" and its obvious that everyone around and on stage has now become fucking annoyed.I pretty much figured that these idiots weren't going to give it up so I approached one of the bouncers who happens to be a friend of mine and asks him to TALK to them. I never said to kick them out, just tell them to keep it down. Its obvious that these fucking morons were just in it for a fight and I wasn't biting. I was enjoying the concert and the last thing I wanted was to miss it because of these trailer park fucks.

So the bouncer goes over and before he can even mutter a fucking word the guy starts yelling at him! Shawn just said that he got a complaint about the guy being too loud and obnoxious so to just keep it down.

Does the guy let up? No - of course not he's a drunken fucking idiot who is apparently entitled to his fucking opinion just because he knows how to dial a fucking phone and won his "hard earned ticket."

Then the fucking hobbit starts jumping on the bandwagon and says, "Barbie sent you over didn't she???" and starts freaking out on Shawn. He tells the boyfriend that he's out of there because he wants to act like a spoiled brat instead of a 19+ adult and tells the girlfriend she can stay if she keeps herself away from me. But that would be silly wouldn't it?

No, once again the hobbit comes back into my face and freaking out on me.
I just turned around blew her a kiss and said, "Bye bye honey"
She replied, "Gah...I'm not going anywhere!"
"Maybe not, but I'm done talking to you"

I think the drama is over and continue to enjoy the concert singing along with all my friends having a great time. She's still convulsing in the corner so she too is removed from the show.

Honestly, what the hell is wrong with these people????

Do you genuinely fucking think that just because you dialed a phone, something a fucking primate can do, you're entitled to act however you please at the show??

No you fucking idiots you play by the rules just like everyone else and if you have a problem with it, don't fucking show up. I don't give a shit how many episodes of Seinfeld you missed because you needed to be by the phone to win and I certainly don't give a shit if you're now sterile because you waited out in the cold for X -many hourse - you can't act however you please, it doesn't work that way.

If you want to be a belligerant asshole - you will be treated accordingly. No one gives a shit what you think - you may be in love with the sound of your own voice but the rest of the fucking world isn't.

Some people should be medicated before they're set loose in public.


Before I close off I just want to apologize to the guys for the whole fiasco this evening, the show was still amazing, my friends and I had a great time. I also want to apologize for those unfortunate people who were stuck around myself and the Adams Family. I genuinely did not expect such a reaction from those morons just by telling them POLITELY to keep it down.

Seriously, if I see these idiots on the street I'm pushing them both in front of a fucking bus.


I'm bored

And I can't sleep. I took some meds but they haven't kicked in yet. You people need to amuse or something, because I certainly can't amuse myself.

But here's a new picture

I almost posted the entire thing, but that would be to easy.

Maybe I will someday

Maybe I won't.

Or maybe I'll just set up a Pay Pal account so if you want to see the pic in its entirety you can throw some cash my way and I'll post it because thats how fucking egotistical I am.

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Go straight to the Welfare Office - Do not Pass School Do Not collect $200

Oh yah, I failed the midterm

The best part of it was when I realized that everything I had studied, which he had told me to study wasn't even on the fucking exam.

40 Multiple Choice Questions - I could answer 5 for sure
21 Short Answer Questions - I skipped an entire page and doodle instead.

I'm fucking pissed off. I emailed my prof asking what he was expecting us to know for the exam and he told me all the big names ESPECIALLY Freud, KNOW EVERYTHING ABOT FRUED!! and all the major theories.

Easy enough, lots of memorization but I was pretty sure I was ready for the exam

I sit down, take out my H2 pencil and prepare.

Question 1 -.....err....skip that
Question 2 - .......ummm....who??????
Question 3- .......what the fuc.....is this exam Psych 3402????
Question 4- .......fuck.

All his fucking questions were based ENTIRELY on the textbook and I am talking the most obscure names and random theories ever. Seriously, he turned 2 line blurbs in the middle of the chapter into a 5 mark question

Fucking Col. Saunders and his giggly chicken neck.

And you know what else was awesome?


Now I'm pissed.

I get to the last question which was, "Outline the 3 Underlining Principles Of the Psychology of Criminal Conduct"


a) When you make an exam, make sure its coherant so people actually know what you are asking them.

b) When you SAY Freud is going to be on the exam, actually PUT Freud on the exam

c) Do not take obscure literary references from the middle of the chapters and create a 5 mark question around them.

I gaurentee he's going to fail me now out of spite.

Stupid fucking Saunders.



I completely forgot that I had laundry in the washing machine downstairs.

It's now 9:30 pm and the laundry room doors are locked.

So now I'll have a soggy, wrinkly work uniform for tomorrow morning.

And my Psychology of Criminal Conduct Midterm was moved to this Saturday morning from 10-12 in the afternoon.

Fucked much?

Oh yah.

With a 40% failure rate in that class see for yourself....

Yah...and thats not even the half of it. Thats only 3 pages out of 100 to memorize.

That future in the porn industry is starting to look more lucrative with every page.

When it calls to you do you wake up

This has to be the single greatest postcard I have seen on Post Secret.

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Seriously, I cried I was laughing so hard.

Not that I go to PostSecret to laugh at people's misfortunes, in fact I can relate to some as I am sure the rest of you can.

But every so often there is a secret that sneaks in there thats absolutely hilarious and I break into hysterics laughing over it. I remember one a while back where a person exchanged parking tickets with the car beside there's and sent the unpaid ticket to PostSecret.

Now, if that's not funny I don't know what is.

I need to send in a Postcard to Post-Secret that reads, "I Have an unhealthy obsession with your website. I park my ass around my computer at midnight every Saturday anxiously awaiting the new secrets because you have caused me to have no life. Oh yah, and I once broke a special plate of my mom's and blamed it on my brother. 12 years later and he still gets in shit for it."

So I shall have the blogroll up and running with everyone's blogs for those who emailed me. I think that this blog is looking rather "blah" so I am going to try and teach myself a little HTML and get some serious renovations going

Either that or I'll rub up against Ciavarro and see what he can teach me.

Oh, the torture.

And if you want to be added to the blogroll, please email me at reasonableinsomnia@yahoo.ca

And if you want to call me an egotistical cunt you can do so there as well.


More shit that pisses me off

1. Fat people who instead of taking the stairs use the elevator and make me late for work.....AND LIVE ON THE 2 OR 3RD FUCKING FLOOR! I live on the 7th, my use of the elevator is justified. But it pisses me off when the elevator stops on the second floor and sure enough some fat fuck who apparently can't walk a flight of fucking stairs comes stumbling on and causes me to miss the bus because of how long it takes for the elevator to start up again

2. Anonymous people who call my cell phone AND DON'T LEAVE A MESSAGE. I HATE when unknown numbers call me and I have no idea who the fuck it is.

3. People who insist on counting out 99cents in nickels and pennies ahead of me in line

4. People who use debit cards for purchases under $5.00. Holy fuck people, I'll give you the fucking 2 dollars you need if it will speed your ass up!

5. When its raining out and people block the entrance to the bus while they count out their $2.75 to pay for their transfer. The prices haven't changed in a fucking year, how hard is it seriously to count out the fare AHEAD of time instead of making everyone else soak in the rain

6. People who get on the bus and stand in the middle of the aisle trying to figure out if they want to sit beside the disease ridden degenerate or the punk kid with 50 peircings through their face. Seriously, just sit the fuck down - there are other people behind you waiting for a seat and believe me, as soon as everyone's boarded the bus starts moving whether your ass is seated or not

7. PEOPLE WHO DON'T COVER THEIR MOUTHS OR NOSES WHEN THEY SNEEZE/COUGH. Jesus H Christ, no one wants your syphillis, cover yourself!

8. People who let their kids go screaming and running around the restaurant/bus/another public place. Hello - the workers and general public aren't your fucking babysitter, put a leash on your goddamn shit-machines.

9. People who belive that B.O. is a natural musk that should be embraced, not rinsed away.

10. When I go on believing for 5 years that the words to Alice Cooper's Poison is, "I want to kiss you but you're little miss poison" and my mother has to correct me in front of all her friends and say its "venemous poison"....then proceeds to make fun of me everytime I talk to her.


And the Winner is.....

*drumroll please* dududududududududududuuuuuuuuuum!



I loved all of the responses, so it was rather hard for me to choose just one out of all the answers. So I put your names in a hat and drew out a name.

Thanks to all that participated and helped me procrastinate further.

Don't worry, I'll have another contest one day, J-Mo if you want to claim your prize you'll have to give me an address in which I can mail it to you.


No more Ms. Nice-Server

Stupid people should be put on a great big fucking island and hunted down like "The Most Dangerous Game"

Stupid people should be kicked in the teeth at least 3 times a fucking day

People who aren't ignorant morons should be given a card that allows for them to smack the shit out of stupid people who piss them off.

Servers should have a free pass to knock the fuck out any stupid customer they choose at any time.

This self-torture I call a job is going to be my demise. Stupid Stupid STUPID ignorant bastards take this as a formal warning:


Seriously, I don't.

Which means the next time you do the following you will either get a loogie in your fucking soup d'jour or I'll scrape dishwasher crap into your sald.


I've now reached the point where I need an EXCUSE to leave my job. The best one being getting fired. However, it has to be at a point in time where I can really leave a mark on the next person who pisses me the fuck off at work. Not just a simple, "I asked for rare not medium rare!" rant either, but a "Hey I'm a fucking idiot who can't remember what the hell I just ordered because I am soooo hammered I am just going to say that this isn't my beer because I want to be a smart-ass and cause problems for the server."

Yah, I hope you enjoy the special "present" I left for you at the bottom of your Keiths asshole.

Last night was my first shift back since the ankle and such and it was a fucking disaster. I do believe at one point I was ready to throw myself over the patio but a fellow server held me back.

Every little thing that could possibly piss of a server happened last night causing me to create little paper-towel voodoo dolls of all the people I want to massacre.

For one, our music system is satellite so occasionally some songs play louder than other songs. It's really not a problem, it takes us two secs to turn the volume down and up again when this occurs. Well, LAST night this couple sitting at the end of the bar complained about the music being too loud, which it was so I graciously turned it down to a volume you would expect from a sit down bar. What do they say to me?

"God, can't you turn it like all the way down?"

Fuck you.

"Actually no I can't, as you can see this is a BAR - the music is supposed to be loud. If you want to have a discussion Starbucks is down the street"

My boss was right beside me. He just gave me a look and walked away.

Then a family sat in my section. The mother orders a beer, the father orders a beer and their 12 year old looking son orders a Jack and coke. I ask the son for idea. The father goes fucking postal,

"Do you really think I would let my underage son drink???? Why the hell are you asking him for ID! He doesn't need ID! He's with his parents for Christ sakes that ridiculous!"


"Sir, your son looks to be no older than 16 - if a liquor inspector came in here right now and he was underage he wouldn't give a shit if he was sitting with the Pope himself let alone his parents. So to protect my ass, I'll need him to take the two seconds of his time to remove the ID from his wallet, thanks"

They didn't tip me on $55.00

Then a big ass group of literally 30 people walked in and I had to serve them in one of the back rooms of the bar. They wandered around, didn't take a seat and kept screaming orders at me. From every corner of the room people were yelling, "I'll take a Blue!" "I'll have a Keiths!" "Glass of Sangria!"

"Lets do some math here, 1 of me 30 of you. You are all going to have to wait your turn and give me your orders 1 by 1 otherwise you can go to another bar"

They didn't like the fact that I wasn't going to run tabs either. One girl went so far as to call me a stupid bitch. I kid you not.

"Ok Ma'am you're cut off, I won't be serving you this evening since you're being belligerant and I don't want to listen to it."

My boss gave me a bit of a speech there, "You can't talk to customers like that!"

To which I replied, "I'm a human being first and a server second. I won't serve anyone that treats me like crap and insults me. It was their own doing walking in as a 30 without a reservation so I am doing the best I can. What I don't need is them calling me a bitch just because I won't run 30 tabs and keep track of 30 credit cards and 30 people."

He seemed to be satisfied with that answer since he didn't comment back.

Anyways, I expected to basically be fired.

When I went down to check my schedule I discovere that I have numerous shifts and all of which are money making shifts

So apparently being a bitch does pay.

Work just got a whole lot better.


Momma's New Pumps

They even have little lights in them, how classy.

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Ps. I am renovating my blog in the new few days, so if you wish to remain on my blogroll or you want to be added to my blogroll please EMAIL ME at


Please do not ask to be kept on or added in the comments section.



Quite possibly the GREATEST t-shirt ever.

My mother bought it for me. She's so clever.

C'est ca
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You know, I bet if I put the camera down I'd probably be able to get more schoolwork done instead of whoring myself out....

Smarty McSmarterson, ESQ.

All my problem for my Data Analysis of Statistical Procedures have been solved!!!

After mulling over numerous chapters in my stats book and realizing that I am a goddamn moron when it comes to numbers I closed the bitch up, jumped online, emailed my prof and told him I was dropping the course because I'm an idiot.

This is my email:

"Hi Prof Thorngate I am the girl that previously wrote you freaking out about the class and the inevitable failure to come.

I'm finding myself very stressed out with the class and I am retaining 0 information. I don't know if its a result of my ADD in which case is there anywhere I can purchase Stats in Pop Up form? Or if it's just because numbers are not my thing. I'm an Arts student for a reason. Loosely translated: "Me no good at math so me take classes that no use numbers"

Because of my ineptitude I'm dedicating far too much time to this course and am therefore not spending enough time with my other courses. In turn I am falling behind in my other classes, unable to keep up since I continually stress over this Stats class. I really don't want to become a Salvation Army patron mumbling statistical procedures incoherantly in the lunch line.

So I guess my question for you is that I am enrolled in the Honors Criminology Program and next year will be my fourth year: Would it be better for me to take this class in my fourth year where I would most likely have more time to dedicate towards the course and pop-ups or should I take it now and attempt to pass while removing my hair strand by strand?

I hate to sound so pessimistic but I read the chapters three times over and I STILL can't do the practice questions. I STILL ge the wrong answer when I follow the answers in the back of the book. Thats pretty sad, wouldn't you agree?

Its very frusterating for me and the stress is beginning to take its toll. Its being reflected in my work for other courses. What do you suggest I do? Stick it out and continue being stressed until they haul me away in a pretty white jacket or drop the course and pick it up fourth year?

Thanks once again
Ashley S."

This is what he wrote back with:

"Dear Ashley,

It sounds as though you are better off to drop the course now and take it next year. Best to check the undergraduate office to make sure this is possible. If it is, you will likely feel a lot better about 3 nanoseconds after you drop, and then able to concentrate more on your other courses. It might be worthwhile for you to attend some of the lectures this year after you drop the course in order to get a sense of what the rest of the course will be like. Graduate students find this a good strategy when they when they try to tackle the graduate statistics course. But I also know it is hard to maintain motivation to attend a course voluntarily. You are, in any case, welcome to come to class whenever you wish.

Good luck in your decision. best wishes, w thorngate

Ps. there are no popups to date but it would make for an interesting honors thesis."

I spoke to my advisor and she advised me to take the course in the summer that way I would only have to worry about working instead of studying for other courses. That does mean I will have to spend 6 hrs a week learning about stats for the summer but at least I don't have to stress over other courses as well.

She too thought the Pop-Up idea for stats would be a great idea.

Patent Pending.


Music To Take Your Clothes Off To (otherwsie known as: What is currently on Ashley's playlist)

Poison - Alice Cooper
Feed my Frankenstein - Alice Cooper
She's My Cherry Pie - Warrant
So Far Away - STAIND
Right Here - STAIND
Pussy Liquor - Rob Zombie
Superbeast - Rob Zombie
Never Gonna Stop Me - Rob Zombie
Sick Love Song - Motley Crue
Live Wire - Motley Crue
Black Widow - Motley Crue
If I Die Tomorrow - Motley Crue
Prime Time Deliverance - Matt Good (only because its about a stripper...and a bunny suit..hot)
Hello Time Bomb - Matt Good (duh)
Future is X-Rated - Matt Good
Wings of a Butterfly - HIM
In My Hands - Fuel
Had a Bad Day Again - Fuel
Colors - Crossfade
Cold - Crossfade
Welcome Home - Coheed and Cambria
Wait for Nothing - Star 69
In Case of Fire - Taproot

Oooh yah baby....


I'll ask you 38 questions and they're all about me!

*Disclaimer: I stole this from Jenn Good's website because I am an unoriginal freak. Actually, its because I really have nothing else to talk about so I thought I'd give you all a little more insight into my pathetic little life.

By the way, the contest in the post below is still on. A winner hasn't been picked yet.

1. What is your full name now? Ashley-Lynn S-insert-porn-star-last-name-here

2. What color trousers are you wearing? As I am writing this I am currently wearing hot pink boy cut panties.

3. What are you listening to right now? "Wings of a Butterfly" - H.I.M.

4. What was the last thing you ate? Half a dozen Krispy Kreme Original Glazed donuts. God, I'm a pig.

5. Do you wish on stars? Depends what mood I am in and my alcohol content.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Schizo-Cyan

7. How is the weather right now? Cold. Cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey.

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Mom. She disowned me and I told her that I was no longer setting her up in one of those fancy retirement homes where you have crumpets and tea at noon. Instead she's going in one of those reitrement homes they put you in when they find you wandering around naked downtown claiming you know who shot J.R.

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I stole it. But I like the person I stole it from, does that count?

10. How old are you today? Too old.

11. Favorite soft drink? Diet Dr.Pepper

12. Favorite sport? To play? Toss up between softball and basketball. To watch? Hockey. But only when the Sens are playing.

13. Hair color? Blonde (real). Ditto.

14. Siblings? 1 brother (16) Johnathon. 1 step sister Brianna (15) 1 half sister Nastassia aka. Boo (8)

15. Favorite food? Vietnamese.

16. What was the last movie you saw? On DVD - Hellraiser II. In the theatre - 4 Brothers.

17. Favorite day of the year? Christmas. I love the snow, the houses decorated along the street, the music, the smells of gingerbread and peppermint, the Christmas Carols, decorating the tree, hot apple cider and ESPECIALLY watching "Rudolph" with the Elf who wants to be a dentist.

18. What was your favorite toy as a child? According to my mom it was a cardboard elf that I stole off the x-mas tree when I was like 5 years old. I apparently carried that damn thing around for a few years before losing it on an airplane. I was devestated.

19. Summer or winter? Winter. I don't like being hot and sweaty unless engaging in certain activities.

20. Hugs or kisses? Neither. I hate people. I keep my distance.

21. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla. I'm not a very exciting person.

22. Do you want your friends to email you back? Email what back? I have no time to read their responses nor do I care.

23. Who is most likely to respond? *see #22

24. Who is least likely to respond? *see #22

25. Living arrangements? By myself, in a ghetto ass apartment on the 7th floor in the red light district. Its pretty sweet actually, I'm right downtown in Ottawa.

26. When was the last time you cried? Today. I stubbed my toe. It hurt a lot.

27. What is under your bed? My porno magazines. For some reason I still think I've got to hide them even though I havent lived at home in 3 years.

28. Who is the friend you have had the longest? I'm not really a "best friend" person, I keep acquintances. But if I had to pick I'd go with Genevieve and Katrina.

29. What did you do last night? I watched Hellraiser and proceeded to get drunk on my own. Tommorrow night I will be going to A.A.

30. Favorite TV shows? CSI Las Vegas (I'm warming up to NY - still hate Miami), American Justice, The First 48, Third Watch, City Confidential (notice the theme here?)

31. What are you afraid of?
i) The dark - I grew up in a haunted house
ii) Snakes - I fucking hate snakes they freak me out
iii) Mechanical animals
iv) Clowns - what genius thought that kids would enjoy being entertained by a huge dude with a pastey white face and a bright red evil grin jumping in their faces ???

32. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? I dont like popcorn. I'm more of a Doritos person

33. Favorite car? I take public transit.

34. Favorite Flower? Lilacs

35. Number of keys on your key ring? 8. Only 2 of which I use and the other 6 I have no idea what they belong to.

36. Favorite vacations? Orlando. I love Disney-land. I haven't really been anywhere else.

37. Three Bloggers who don't blog enough: I dont know. I barely have the time to update my blog let alone worry about who else needs to update their blog.

38. Six friends who you are tagging: You don't give up do you???

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