20041223

Deck the Halls

I was supposed to leave this morning at 5 am. Upon arriving to the airport they informed me that the flight was running late due to a bit of frost on the tips of the wings and that it would arrive at 6 am instead.

At 10 am we left the airport because my flight was cancelled all together

They switched us to a 6 pm flight tonight from Ottawa - Philly - West Palm

The flights been cancelled due to rain

We have attempted to book a flight tomorrow morning to get to Florida by the afternoon

There are no flights until the 27th because everything is booked.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

EDIT: I did however get a new pet yesterday. Her name is Gacy and she is a month old dwarf pig.
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20041222

Fuck.


I guess I could have it worse... Posted by Hello
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Why Retarrds shouldn't write exams

Dont get all P.C. on me, its 4 am and I really don't give a shit.

Today I went to write my last exam after a minimal 20 mins of studying due to the fact that I worked insane hours and had to fit in some Christmas shopping before I leave for Florida (5am flight on Thurs. Commence Hate Now. - minus you Cotard, goddamn Aussie bastard with your nice Aussie weather)

After running on an hours sleep, drinking with former co workers last night led up to an all night party and stumbling in at 8 am this morning. You always know you've had a good night when your mascara is streaked across your pillow and your party clothes are what you've slept in.

Anyways, I got up - went shopping, did laundry and went to write the exam. I walked into the room expecting to get raped. So with lube in hand I sat down and answered the questions.

The format went something like this:
EXAM IS WORTH 60% OF YOUR FINAL GRADE

Question 1 - 15%
Question 2 - 10%
Question 3 a) b) - Pick ONE question to answer - 10%
Question 4 - 15%
Question 5 - 10%

So I zip along and answer questions 1 and 2 which were actually pretty damn hard considering I didn't go to that paticular lecture. I made several monkey references in the hopes of getting some pity marks.

After I answered questions 1 and 2 I read "Pick ONE question to answer" I didn't really know 4 or 5 so I decided to go with 3 instead. I answered A and B then skipped out of the exam room. As I was walking down the hall I started to do some basic math in my head when I thought, "Thats funny - the numbers don't really add up. The questions only equal up to like 35% of the 60%" Then I realized it.

FUUUUCK.

He wanted me to answer ONE of either A or B in question 3 and then proceed to answer 4 and 5 afterwards. I nearly shit myself in the hallway. I hauled ass back to the exam room and threw my bookbags on the floor. I ran up to the TA and said, "I didnt finish the exam! I need to go back in and write it! You have to let me back in!" She asked me what the hell I was talking about and I explained what happened. She said, "So let me get this straight. You only answered questions 1 and 2 and thought you could pick one of the last 3? Even though the percentages were clearly marked and it asked you to pick one of the following under the Question 3 heading?"

I said, "Yah - thats basically it"

She told me, "Im sorry - I can't let you back into the exam room. You have left and I can't just let you back in"

I freaked. "This is worth 60% of my final grade! You HAVE to let me back in to finish the exam. You can even monitor me for all I care I just HAVE to finish it!"

Her reply, "I'm sorry. That story is just too unbelievable for me to accept. I can't let you back in."

I gave in.

"Listen, do you think any normal person would admit to being such a dumbass? You have to be practically retarded to screw something like that up and here I am practically preaching to you that I'm a University retard!"

She let me back in.

I still think I failed.

Anyways kiddies - have a safe and happy holiday season. For you avid readers of my blog I am off to sunny West Palm Beach for the next 2 weeks so I probably wont be able to post. I'll try to get access to a computer to induldge your "Ashley Rants" while I'm away.

Ho ho ho.


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20041221

Peterson: Guilty or Innocent?

I'd like to dedicate the following blog to those educated individuals who emailed me in a polite manner and genuinely want to know about my opinion on the "guilty" verdict in the Peterson trial. You few individuals restored some lost faith back into me and for this I thank you.

I'll be up front with you, I think Peterson is innocent.

As someone studying criminology, both in school and on my own for many years, too many facts in the trial seemed rather "odd" to me. The murder of Laci wasn't at all consistent with an agry husband on a rampage nor did Scott's apparent "lack of remorse" prove to me that he was a guilty man.

Just to touch on my last blog, I will agree that YES Peterson did not display any emotion. YES he was practically stone cold for the entire trial. YES he didn't cry or fuss like the "innocent husband" would. But whether you are in Canada or the United States "guilty by not crying at your trial" is not - and never should be - an admission of guilt. I've been hit in the face accidently with a baseball bat and I didn't cry - did that mean it didn't hurt? Hell no. I thought my face was taken off and I've never felt such pain. Tears are not always an indicator of pain or remorse. People deal with things in a different way and they should not be judged by it. Even if Scott did cry at the trial the prosecution would be quick to make it into some act, some puppet show for the jurors to believe his sob story. So really, he was fucked no matter what he did. Thats the general theme at murder trials.

I'd just like to draw the reader's attention to the following website...
http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/complete_list.html

Here you will find a list of the worlds most notorious and not so famous serial killers. If you'll notice they all have a few things in common (much like most murders and serial killers)

1. Neglect from parents
2. Physical and sexual abuse
3. Enuresis (bedwetting past 3 years)
4. Torture of small animals (especially Edmund Kemper III, Berkowitz and Dhamer)
5. Sexual ineptitude (mainly the inability to maintain an erection or even get one from consensual sex with a member typically of the opposite sex)
6. Pyromania (often a sexual fascination with fire)

These are just few of many characteristics of violent sexual offenders who actually get off on other peoples pain. Its how they achieve sexual gratification - through the torture and mutilation causing death of their unfortunate victim du jour. In general, most pre meditated murders are sexual in nature. Due to the lack of sexual prowess or ability of the offender, the only way they can get off is by dominating and killing their victim. Regardless of there being any evidence to suggest a physical rape (anally or vaginally) they've proven that serial killers either masturbate before/during/after the act to relieve themselves - some even return to the scene of the crime later on and masturbate while they re live the fantasy. Sick people get off on sick things. Don't even get me started with laughable concept of being able to treat and potentially "cure" these individuals.

I'm getting a little off track here.

Now I know what you are thinking, we aren't talking about serial killers here. This is an isolated case of a woman found dead in the San Fransico bay with her unborn child. Unfortunately I have to disagree. The nature and state in which Laci Peterson was found is consistent with a sexual homicide, not that of a man who was willing to rid of his wife to take up with his mistress. Why is that? The wounds on Laci's body are consistent with that of sexual offence. She was nearly decapitated and the fetus was removed from her body. I'm not entire sure of the exact details, police tend to keep that information away from public viewing to prevent biased juries. Either way, she was found nearly be headed and the fetus was removed from the body. You mean to tell me that a man with no prior history of violence and who suffers from no psychopathologies (from what I understand) decided to murder his wife, decapitate her post mortem and remove his unborn son from her body? The idea of that being true is just about as bizarre as how she was found.

Prosecution can argue until their face turns blue that he was attempting to dismember the body in order to hide it - but tossing it into the Bay isn't exactly an ideal way to "bury a body" if that was the original intention. Why would Scott go through the trouble of practically removing her head only to throw the body into the water? Not that I know from personal experience but removing a head isn't exactly easy work - especially if it is done manually with a knife. Scott was once in love with Laci, he married her, he impregnated her, a man who once loved a woman would NOT be able to remove her head out of rage. If he had in fact killed Laci in order to avoid a messy divorce to get with his mistress, he would have more than likely strangled her. Strangulation is quite common in crimes of passion where the man basically "loses it" and chokes his wife or girlfriend to death. HOWEVER - forensics were not able to identify the cause of death. There are a few indicators of strangulation...

i) Broken neck bone(s)
ii) Burst capillaries in the eyes
iii) Marks on the neck

If Laci was indeed strangled one or more of those indicators should have been apparent. Now, In the prosecutions defence the body was submerged for at least 4 months in the Bay and decomposition may have had an effect on the state of the body. Unfortunately I dont have the forensic files readily accesible to me, so I can't say for sure.

NOW back to the state of the body and how Laci was found. As I said before her death is common with that of a sexual homicide. Regardless of there being a lack of forensic evidence to prove a "sexual assault" occured (which would have washed off anyways in the bay) sexual offenders do not need to actually penetrate their victims to get off. Stabbing someone is often common in cases of sexual homicide. The "penetration" of the knife into the victim to the offender is the equivalent to sexual intercourse. Sick, but true. People who get off on mutilating bodies pre or post mortem suffer from something referred to as "psychopathology" or as we like to say, "psychopaths". Psychopatholgies do not just up and show one day out of the blue. They are not deep rooted deviant characters that lurk in certain individuals only to be released one day. Typically if someone does not display psychopathic traits by the time they turn 15 chances are they will never suffer from it. Psychopathologies make themselves apparent within the first few years of childhood or early adolescence. As I mentioned in my previous list, these "indicators" often include bed wetting, cruelty to animals and fascination with fire. As far as I know Scott never showed any of these symptoms later on in life with Laci. A man in his late 20's early 30's certainly would not suddenly wake up and say, "Oh - I think I'll go burn down a house, masturbate, kill my wife, decapitate her and remove our son then get some groceries - I'm out of milk" Unfortunately psychopathy doesn't work that way.

Whoever committed this atrocious act against Laci was obviously sick in nature. The only evidence that the prosecution even had should have been enough to exhonerate Peterson. The only real evidence they had was her mutilated body which, as I showed, would be consistent with a sexual homicide, not an adulterous husband.


If you wish to comment back to my blog, please feel free to do so in a mature and educated manner.



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20041220

Sticks and Stones

People actually read my blog. This I never realized until a few days ago after posting my blog on Scott Peterson. The hate mail that poured into my Hotmail box was more than enough for me to realize that a) people do read my blog and b) people in general are idiots.

Here's a few of my favorite "love-letters":
*Note: These were cut and pasted directly from my inbox.


#1
Ashley,

You apparently do not understand the American Legal System. American is based on the foundation that everyone is innocent until proven guilty, therefore your title is incorrect. Furthermore, if Peterson was innocent he would have been found innocent. Rarely does it ever happen that people are wrongfully convicted, the system is perfect. Americans do not put innocent people in jail because the lawyers and the courts know what they are doing. I think you need to re think your blog because America does not put innocent people away, the system is infalliable and Scott got what was coming to. God bless.

Chris Tucker

10% individuals in the American Pen. system were wrongfully convicted
5% were given death row sentences
2% were later found innocent after being put to death

Need I say more?

#2

You're a blasphemor who wil burn in hell for your comments. Scot Peterson is an evil man who has committed the most atrocious act against humanity and the Lord Jesus knows it. He has broken the commandments! "THou shalt not committ adultery!" and more importantly, "Thou Shalt not KIll!" He's killed another human being before the eyes of the Lord and he should suffer the consequences of his actions. How can you not recognize this and defend this monster? he should be hung and burn in hell for his evil deeds.

Amber C.

I get it. Let's just kill them all and let God straighten it out.
I certainly hope I'm not the only one who sees the irony in this.

#3

Ashley your nothing but a cowrd who hides behind some fucvking internet blog on your goddamn computer. scott peterson is a monster who deserves to be shot for what he did to his wife. i bet if you were in court and were face to face with him you'd want to send him to the gallows too! would you say the things you are saying now if you were in the court and were part of the case? would you stand up as a juror and say that he was innocent in front of all those people who want to see him die(and rightfully so)? i bet not. its so easy to say shit when its on the internet and no one knows who you are but you're a coward because you'd never say this in real life.

Anonymous

For one, if I was a juror and was presented with this case I certainly would NOT convict the man on circumstantial evidence. Unless I saw some hardcore proof putting him at the scene and had witness' to back up the guilty verdict I don't think I'd be locking him away quite yet. (Not only that but I don't think he did it...that can wait for another blog)

Oh yah, by the way "Anonymous" my names Ashley, I live in Ottawa Ontario, I attend Carleton University and my picture is posted right on my blog - hows that for hiding behind a computer? Next time you make the "coward" claim please be sure to post your name otherwise you just look like a jackass.

#4

fuk you bitch you dont kno what ytou are talkig about. that dudes fucking guiltyand he should fucking die for what he did to his fucking wife man. he fucking cut her up and shit and he sould fucking be killed for that hes a fucking douchebag man. lets fry the bitch up and shwo him what its like to suffer. fuck ghandi man.

Chris-Yo

1 - I lack a penis, therefore I am a GIRL not a man
2 - Spell check
3 - If anyone can translate this email I'd be most grateful. I can't get past the "fucks"


So there is just a few of the wonderful emails that have been rolling in. I'll be sure to post more for your viewing pleasure once its not 4 am. For those of you "lucky" enough to be part of this blog let this be a lesson to you to think before you act stupid. Minus the American lover, I understand thats part of your culture so I can't hold that against you.




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20041219

Raising the bar

Yes, I'm slightly tispy
Yes, I'm a nerd for getting plastered and then racing immediately to my blog upon returning home
Yes, I'm apparently a lesbian magnet.

Love it?
Hell yes.

Try it?
Probably not.

Do I have any camera holder volunteers? Perhaps then I'd consider...


Note: I'd throw in something about a stunt cock here as well if I could..but Santa IS watching and Christmas is only 6 days away. I have to withhold the naughty until then otherwise I might not get my pony.
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20041218

Fuck America, God Bless Cookies

I'm off to write an exam in 4 hrs and counting. Studied? Hell no. Why? Work. Unfortunately paying rent, eating and not living in a cardboard box come before education. Ironic though isnt it? In order for me to survive with a stable career I need to go to school. However, living in the now I have to work insane amount of hours to make up for the cost of living, compromising important study time.

In order to live comfortably in a few years I have to go to school, but to live now I have to work. So which is more important? (this is all very philisophical and its only 8 am. I apologize for the confusion. to you more abstract thinkers this should make sense)

On my way to school the other day I saw in bright red marker on the back of one of the bus seats, FUCK AMERICA - GOD BLESS COOKIES. I'll admit, it made me laugh and I found myself coming up with reasons why cookies are better than America. (hey, my bus ride is usually 40 mins in length, the hell else am I going to do?)

Bon appetit

1 - Cookies rarely go bad - and if they do, we can simply toss them away. Presidents on the other hand...

2 - Cookies are colorblind. They don't care if you're white, black, hispanic, asian ... they let anyone eat them.

3 - Cookies are replacable. The thousands of lives of soldiers and casualities of war however are not.

4 - Cookies will only tax you 8% depending on where you live...

5 - Cookies don't require health insurance, a health care plan, life insurance and your first born before you purchase them.

6 - Cookies can feed citizens, the American government apparently can not.

7 - Cookies support gay marriage. Hell, they even have "rainbow chip" cookies.

8 - Ever heard of anyone wanting to bomb cookies? Me neither...

9 - A cookies only enemy is a 4 foot shaggy blue puppet. America however...

And last but not least:

10 - Chocolate chip cookies do not think themselves better than any other cookie and therefore entitled to take anything on this planet by force (although that would be amusing to see I'll admit)

All right, I'm off to fail an exam.
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20041216

Zzzzzz....

Sleep is for the smart and un employed.

I work from 5 - 2 am tonight then 11 am - 2 am tomorrow.

Somewhere in there I have to fit in studying for a Forensics exam worth 60% of my final grade on Saturday morning.


Dear god.
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Geic-oh oh


Lets see the little shit sell insurance now... Posted by Hello
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20041215

Only 10 more days to withhold from being naughty...


Ho Ho Ho, kids. If you're not good Santa Pom is going to leave a lump of something in your stocking. Happy Holidays folks. Posted by Hello
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Cheer up Scott, its only a murder trial. Posted by Hello
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20041214

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

Aren't we lucky to live in North America where the Adversarial system of justice makes sure the guilty are punished and the innocent are set free? We should be so proud to live in a country with such an infalliable system - we rid the streets of the bad guys and its justice for all, not just for some...

...In case you didn't pick up on it, that was sarcasm.

Cases like that of Guy Paul Morin, who was wrongfully convicted of murdering his 8 year old neighbor and spent 20 years in jail, should be more than enough reason to doubt our system. To err is human, but to err because of some asshole cop who was determined to incarcerate the "odd kid next door" so much that he planted physical evidence at the crime scene is not. Police tunnel vision is a dangerous game. When a/ cop(s) is/are so dead set in convicting the first suspect who only slightly fits the profile innocent people end up locked away.

And its not just the police who contribute to wrongful convictions. When you have a high profile case thats been publicized to death ie. OJ Simpson, biased jurors come to play and people are looking for blood. The demand for a guilty verdict, especially in cases of child abuse/murder, can easily influence a jury and a judge. This creates an unfair balance in the system that favors the prosecution and the innocent suffer for it. Thats not to say that all individuals who go to court for murder are innocent, but for the ones who are this shift in balance can be detrimental to the case.


I've been following the Scott Peterson case since the beginning and I must say, I am completely appalled by it. Am I appalled by the act itself? Yes. Am I appalled by the brutality that was inflicted upon Laci and her unborn child? Like any good citizen, yes. Am I appalled by the guilty verdict given to Scott this past week? Damn right.

...WAIT!

Did she just say she was APPALLED by the guilty verdict??? This guy, in case anyone has forgotten, murdered his wife (nearly decapitating her) and their unborn child then tossed them into the San Fransico Bay. ...or did he?

Maybe.

However, "maybe" isn't good enough. And "maybe" certainly isnt good enough when a man's life is on the line.

Our justice system is based on the fact that everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty. The prosecution holds the burden of proof to show that the accused committed the act beyond a reasonable doubt. That doesn't mean 40 - 60, 20 - 80, 1 - 99 - it means 100% there is no possible way that the accused did not committ the crime. Scott Peterson was charged and convicted of the first degree murder of his wife Laci and the second degree murder of their unborn son, Conner. Her body and that of the fetus washed up on shore four months after going missing the Christmas eve of last year. The police arressted Scott upon suspicion, they had NO DNA evidence, NO eyewitnesses and NO physical evidence to tie him to the scene. It makes you wonder why they arrested him in the first place.

THE PROSECUTIONS STRATEGY
The prosecution's strategy was basically this: since they couldn't prove that Scott is a murderer due to lack of DNA evidence at the crime scene and eyewitnesses, they proved that he was a liar and an adulterer. His mistress, the massage therapist, was the clincher for the prosecution's case against him. By showing the jury that Scott was a deplorable individual who was capable of cheating on his wife who was carrying their child they managed to convince them that he was also then capable of murder. Capability and actually doing so however are two entirely seperate things. The prosecution was quick to point out that he showed no emotion or remorse in the courts which apparently was reason enough to convict.

BULLSHIT.
Its a total Catch 22. If Scott had showed remorse the prosecution would have claimed it all to be a "show" an "act" for the jurors. If he didn't show remorse the prosecution would have claimed it was because he didn't give a shit. So whats the guy to do? If you're being tried for murder I highly doubt you'll be sitting in the accused seat with a grin on your face and a cheery disposition. A conviction based on emotional character and personality should be enough to make anyone wary of the system.

THE JURY
Ah, the jury. Long live the Canadian system where we only use juries in 5% of our civil trials and 10% of our criminal trials. Jurors tend to carry their own personal biases with them over into trials. Research has shown that when jurors are told to dismiss a comment made by the defence or prosecution the chance of a guitly verdict increases. Juries are a dangerous thing and it's amazing how often the American justice system uses them.

http://www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/12/13/jury.reax/index.html

This was taken from the CNN site in regards to why the jurors gave a guilty verdict. Pay close attention to these choice bits..

Many legal analysts had predicted the jury would recommend life in prison without the possibility of parole because the prosecution's case was based largely on circumstantial evidence

The words, NO SHIT come readily to mind. How is it possible that everyone else could recognize that all the evidence against Scott was circumstantial. Seems to me that if you have "circumstantial" evidence you also have reasonable doubt which is what one tries to avoid in a criminal trial.

"It just seemed to be the appropriate justice for the crime, given the nature and how personal it really was against his wife and child," said Cardosi, who works as a firefighter and paramedic in Half Moon Bay.

Personal? Well...yah, I mean - it was his wife and unborn kid. Of course it was personal. So is that to say that every man who has lost his wife or kid was responsible for their deaths? I think people would tend to disagree with this logic. As for the attack itself, Laci was found nearly decapitated. Why would Scott, an individual with no prior criminal record and no obvious psychological pathologies attempt to saw off his own wifes head and remove the fetus? Laci was de humanized. That sort of post mortem action is typically seen in cases of serial murder or sadistic sexual homicide where the killer gets off in a perverse manner to the mutilation of his victim. If Scott had just wanted to kill her and be rid of the body, he could have done so just by throwing her into the bay. Why would Scott take the time to play around with the body if he needed to dispose of it so fast to avoid being caught? The fact that she was nearly decapitated and the fetus taken out proves to me that the reasons for the mutilation were not for that of "hiding" the body. If that was the case she probably would have been dismembered entirely and buried, not thrown nearly headless into the San Fran Bay.

The rest you can read on your own, I already pointed out the Catch 22 in relation to Petersons emotional state during the trial.

DEATH PENALTY ?
As a proponent of the death penalty, if the prosecution had proved their case beyond a reasonable doubt I would have been the first person to recommend the death penalty. However, since they failed to do so the agreement to implement the death penalty is not only scary but makes me lose faith in the system. (Mind you, I didn't have much to begin with so that's not saying too much)

http://www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/12/14/peterson.appeals/index.html

Im not going to spoon feed you the reasons for why Peterson shouldn't be sentenced to death, you can read the above article and come up with your own reasons.

Do I think he did it? I have my doubts. But the purpose of this blog was to raise the question of how reliable our justice system is if we can convict and setence to death strictly on circumstancial evidence. It's wasn't written to argue my opinion of his guilt or innocence.

In conclusion, this case should be a warning to all. When the fate of your life lies in the hands of a select biased few in a shaky justice system, everythings fair game. Reasonable doubt is left at the door as we continue our witch hunt for the "bad guy" and anyone can be burned at the stake.
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20041213

Moms Mid-Mid Life Crisis


My mom's building a mock Playboy Grotto in her backyard. Why - WHY can't I have normal parents?? Posted by Hello Her boyfriend, (pictured here) is the luckiest man alive. He has a gorgeous 37 year old woman with fake tits and her petit naturally large breasted 21 year old daughter to frolic around in bikini's in his backyard. Only in America....
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The Exam?

A 2 hour waste of my 5 grand.

I felt like I won a Special Olympics race upon leaving the exam.

I may have gotten gold but in the end I'm still a retard.
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Another Rant

Brought to you by the good people at Fisherman's Friends and Little Critters gerbil mix. Have a healthy happy gerbil this holiday season! Taste just like chicken!

I have an exam in... 5 hrs and counting.

I'm not really concerned about it persay, because its only my law class and my prof still thinks we're in grade six so she spoon fed us the answers. I am however slightly worried about my exam this Saturday.

Why?

Because its fucking multiple choice.

All right, I'm currently studying Criminology which is the psychology of criminals and criminal behaviour. Now, it being a psychology program and all you think they would KNOW that there has been empirical researching proving that multiple choice questions are a horrible way of determining someone's knowledge on a paticular subject. Why? Because individual recall varies. While one person may have a photogenic memory and can easily recognize paticular words and phrases (making multiple choice a snap) others have terrible recall and have a tendancy of mixing words/phrases together. Especially anyone who is like me and probably suffers from dyslexia. This results in an unfair disparity of answers between students. Since recall is different for each student one may easily confuse certain terms with each other and they only have a 1/4 shot of getting it right. So basically they have a 25% chance of picking the right answer. HOWEVER this could be solved if the questions were of the explaining variety. That way one can at least explain themselves for partial credit. To give students the option of a b c d or all of the above, none of the above is unfair and a waste of my fucking $5,000 / year.

Which brings me to another valid point. Profs have a tendancy of saying, "Hey - I'm not out to trick you. The questions will be straight forward. If you actually went to my lectures and studied you should do fine...." Unfortunately they forget the: ps. and you'll only pass if your a goddamn psychic and can read my mind.

And why is that? Profs LOVE using the old, "D - All of the Above" "E - None of the Above" and the disclaimer above the exam. "All these answers are correct. Please choose the most accurate."

Well slap my ass and call me cousin Merle.

What the prof may believe to be the most appropriate answer, I may disagree. This all comes back to my argument about the ridiculousness of University education. You only pass your courses if you encompass the ideas and beliefs of your prof. Basically you have to play detective and kiss ass because if you don't know what your prof agrees or disagrees with your up shit's creek without a paddle. Thankfully I have no problem asking questions and arguing back. I don't kiss ass. At 5 grand a year they should be permanetly planting their lips on my own.

/rant

Wish me luck.
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20041212

You've Got Mail

She thought to herself as she stared blankly at the computer screen, "Shit - is this it?". Everyday upon arriving home from whatever errands kept her she'd race to the computer to see if someone had left her a message or if there was a flashing envelope at the top of the screen.

And today there would be no email.

She often felt alone in her small bachelor occupied by only herself and her cat. The cat was a stray she found on a winter's eve in the back of a fast foot restaurant. She was never a cat person, but she took pity on the poor soul and brought it home. Since he moved out she needed something to keep her company. Only she wouldn't leave the door open for the cat to go and come as it pleased. Thats how she lost him in the first place. Instead she confined the cat to the small apartment where it wouldn't leave her for some waitress at the 24 hr diner - the cat didn't seem to mind.

Her mother told her she was a failure. A woman her age should be married and have a bun in the oven. Her dad didn't seem to give a shit either way so long as there was Jack Daniel's in the house he didn't pay much attention to anything else. Both her brothers were married with kids of their own and were successful in their business life. She owned a small basket company and ran it outside her dingy aparment. A small array of, "Congradulations!" "Its a boy!" and "Happy Birthday!" cards were scattered across the house. On coffee tables, on the computer desk and on the now unused kitchen table.

It was the kitchen table they used to dine at every night. He'd return from work, give her a kiss and change into his favorite sweatshirt he had since college. Dinner coversation was usually pleasant. She would discuss what projects she was working on and he would discuss his plans for the small study at the end of the hall. He intended on making it into an office for her out-of-home business and giving it to her for Christmas. Instead for Christmas he gave her full use of the bed and the furniture while his new girlfriend helped him load boxes into his station wagon.

"You know its not you, right? This is something I have to do for myself. I still love you, but I think this is best for both of us."

Apparently he was thinking for the both of them.

She didn't say anything but held the door open and watched as he left with her.

What could she say? She certainly couldn't beg for him to return, she knew he wouldn't and it would make her weak. She decided she wouldn't cry because it would be a waste. The three years they had together was a good run and maybe it was time to move on.

Even still, she kept the birthday card he gave her in her memory shoebox and occasionally read it when she felt alone. If this man was capable of loving her, surely someone else would come around. That card was her last shred of hope.

Her friends told her she'd get over it, that men come and go and there were plenty of other fish in the sea. Eventually these friends became more and more distant as she stopped calling them. She promised herself that she wasn't depressed, just confused. All she needed was some time to get over him and then she would move on. As weeks passed, and then months, the stray kitten became the only "man" in her life. And she was pretty sure the cat was female. She felt as though she was over him, but there was this space in her that basket filling couldn't repair. She became more isolated from everyone and kept to herself in her small apartment. Only leaving on occasion for groceries, but she was was sure to jump back onto the computer to see if anyone had left her an email.

Today she left to pick up some cat food. As she stepped into the door she quickly ran to the computer and stared at the screen. There was no blinking envelope in the corner. She reached towards the screen and felt the back of the wall behind the desk where a computer monitor would have been. Her other hand flicked the desk top furiously as though there was a mouse underneath it. As she stared at the blank wall in front of her she reminded herself once again that she wasn't depressed and maybe he'd write her tomorrow.

The nurse came in and asked her if there was anything she needed, the girl looked at her and said, "Yes - can you feed the cat?" "Sure honey." the nurse replied as she set down the meal tray and locked the door behind her.

Maybe he'll write tomorrow.

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20041209

Words without Music

For the sheer hell of it, here are a few more poems/lyrics/random nothings etc. that I have writen both a while back and recently. These are the times that I wish I could actually play a musical instrument and put some music to my words.

I vs. Myself
Sew up your eyes
And shut your mouth
A silent protest mocks
a vocal challenge
When you're talking to yourself
and believe it all
It don't mean a thing
You don't give a shit
One hand on the gun
pull the trigger
and show 'em your worth
'Cause this ain't no rodeo
So get out of the ring
Paint me up circus clown
for your one act show

Dirty Girl

Slide off my clothes
Throw yours beside
Toss me in your bed
Make me forget who I am
While you go inside
Make me your dirty girl

Slap me gently
Call me a whore
Dirty mouth
Tell me what I want to hear
Its natural fucking
To make me your dirty girl

Tie me to the bed
Call me a tramp
You know,
that I love it rough
Break me inside
And I'm your dirty girl



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20041208

Arty and Marty


No matter how crappy of a day I've had this always seems to cheer me up... Posted by Hello
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Inspiration


I was looking through a few of my sketch books when I came across this paticular drawing that I made. It was actually inspired by my favorite MGB song, "Hello Time Bomb" - her breast is fucked up but I was far too lazy to fix it. Besides, imperfections are what make things perfect.

Posted by Hello
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20041207

All growed up

I now know exactly what I want to do upon gradutaion. This realization has alleviated a lot of career oriented tension.

Details to be posted later.
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This is my little guy Starsky. He's rather sick right now, he's getting on in his gerbil years so he's slowing down. Its depressing really. Posted by Hello
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20041206

Coulter: Bringing back the stereotype that blond women are idiots

All right kiddies, Aunty Ashley has some bedtime viewing for your pleasure provided by the fine people at Media Matters and Matthew Good.

http://mediamatters.org/items/200412010011

Let me just dissect some of the wonderful little things that Ms. Coutler has said...

COULTER: Conservatives, as a general matter, take the position that you
should not punish your friends and reward your enemies. And Canada has
become trouble recently.

Oh, I see. We started the war in Iraq. We started bombing innocent people. We started sending our own people over to die for a lost cause. Gotcha blondie.

COULTER: There is also something called, when you're allowed to exist on the same continent of the United States of America, protecting you with a nuclear shield around you, you're polite and you support us when we've been attacked on our own soil. They [Canada] violated that protocol

COULTER: They better hope the United States doesn't roll over one night and crush them. They are lucky we allow them to exist on the same continent.

Last time I checked, we were here first. You tried to take us over and we royally whipped your Yankee asses in 1812. YOU'RE lucky we did blast your asses off the continent and let you live on OUR continent. You want to run us over with a tank? Find the American who would be more than willing to run over our peaceful country and you've got a deal. Unless someone is stupid enough to hand you over the tank keys I'd say its a fair bet that no one else would want to flatten us.

COULTER: We could have taken them [Canada] over so easily.

Re: The above comment. If you can so easily take us over to do YOUR bidding, why haven't you done so already? Oh, thats right because no one else in their right mind would support your ridiculous idea. Better throw on a helmet and shine up your bayonnet Coulter, 'cause I think you're marching alone with this one.

COULTER: Yes, but no. All I want is the western portion, the ski areas, the cowboys, and the right-wingers.

If you want the Praries I'd be more than happy to drop you off in the middle of Saskatchewan with only a tumbleweed as a companion to listen to your bullshit.

COULTER: They don't even need to have an army, because they are protected, because they're on the same continent with the United States of America. If we were not the United States of America, Canada -- I mean, we're their trading partner. We keep their economy afloat.

You keep us afloat? Last time I checked we were doing all right even after you refused to buy our beef. Our dollar is up to 80 cents against your own so I'd say our economy was running along swimmingly. Better check your resources again sweetheart because you've been misinformed.

Not only do we have to hear Coulter go on her ridiculous little tirade, but her partner in crime Mr. Tucker Carlson who is known for his tongue-in-cheek antics decided to steal a peice of the "bash Canada" pie. Too bad the man is a moron who's only attack on Canada was based loosely on stereotypes and schoolground insults.

CARLSON: Canada needs the United States. The United States does not need Canada.

Its like the man is sleeping with Coulter or something. Re: My response to Coulter

CARLSON: I think if Canada were responsible for its own security -- you would be invaded by Norway if it weren't for the United States.

The threat of Canada being invaded by anyone is pretty much slim to none. If they want our maple syrup we got plenty enough to go around. We'd probably invite future invaders for pancakes and beavertails.

CARLSON: [A]bsolutely the countries will remain allies and there will always be politicians who see it to their benefit to stomp on Bush dolls [referring to action taken by Parrish]. But no, I don't think the average Canadian feels -- the average Canadian is busy dogsledding.

The woman made a protest and rightfully so. Its a free fucking country which is what the U.S. has been advertising for years. American's are so goddamn sensitive. As for dogsledding, if he knew anything about Canadian geographics and weather patterns he would realize that there are in fact several months out of the year that we do not have snow. Hell, Vancouver on its own can barely maintain a few snowflakes for more than a day at a time. The man is making un-educated remarks about Canada and then trying to argue that WE are some backwards country. I think he'd better go back to grade 5 and re think his arguments.

CARLSON: Canada's essentially -- essentially a made-in-Taiwan version of the United States.

Funny, I could have sworn we were here first. So basically the U.S. is just a spin off of Canada. Only with more guns and violence.


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If I was a cat I'd lick myself all day

6 lectures to watch
2 down
4 to go
12 more hours of sheer boredom

...the countdown continues

Mom called me in the middle of watching my lectures. She lives in Florida with a Bush supporter so whenever he gets on the phone I usually argue about how much of an inept chimp Bush is.
Tonight we were discussing Bush's visit to Ottawa and I gave him the line about waving with all five fingers. He told me that we as Canadians should support Bush in the war and join forces.

I told him I'd call Martin tomorrow and ask if we could borrow a few canoes and a beaver launcher.

My mom's boyfriend gave me the usual, "If you scratch our back we'll scratch yours" argument which is complete bullshit. I mean, the guys really nice and I get along with him and such but he has no idea what the fuck Canada is about. There'd be no scratching of our backs because NOBODY WOULD BE ATTACKING CANADA IN THE FIRST PLACE! Lets be honest here. Osama Bin Laden isn't sitting in some decked out cave with a Risk board in his lap planning a strategic move on Nunavit. Osama probably thinks Nunavit is some new kind of hybrid muskrat and the Al Queda would probably take one look at our winters say, "Fuck that" and turn back around.

After that discussion we started talking about school as per usual and how much I hate Carleton. I tried to explain to my mom that any monkey with a laptop could get in and she asked me how I managed to get a scholarship then.

I told her that I'm one of the smarter monkeys, I learned how to use my thumbs.
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Fuck, I totally just dropped my Mac Posted by Hello
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20041202

The Carleton Controversy

With my roomate moving out I am left in a rather difficult position. I was recently awarded a $3,000 scholarship which will pay for this upcoming semester of school. However, I am also left with an empty room that I will now have to find someone to move into or pay for. What does one do when presented with such a situation?

After careful thought and consideration I have come up with the following conclusion: Im going to finish the semester, as it is after all free and then move as soon as it is up. And I dont mean just down the street move, I mean B.C. 5 provinces away from friends and family move.

Its a big step for me but I am willing to take it. Carleton is a shit hole, a dive, a roach motel. Even if I do complete my Masters and try to find a job people are going to laugh at my cracker jack's Last Chance U certificate. I've been toying with the idea of leaving for quite sometime now. Only I am making it a reality a few months earlier that I had expected. I have a place set up and a job all I have to do is get my credits transferred

Oh, and drop the bomb on my family.

See, the thing with my family is that EVERYONE went to Carleton and left as successful accountants. My Uncle and my grandparents on my dad's side are quite well off (I guess being able to collect corvettes and Bricklins as a hobby means you have some cash to burn) and I know they want to me to carry on the Carleton family traditional torch. Unfortunately their program is nothing like that of the criminology program of which I am a part of. In a way they'd understand carleton accounting > carleton criminology.

Here are a few reasons why Carleton blows like a cheap Dalhousie whore:

1) I have seen the idiots they let into the program. Apparently they have a soft spot for the marginal beings and the trailer park trash as they seem to overrun my classrooms.

2) A monkey with a laptop would be let in

3) To get anything done with Carleton admin. you have to give an arm, a leg and your first born child as a down payment. Then they lose the kid and forget about what they were supposed to do and look at you as though you were the new foreign student when you ask them what the fuck?

4) First day of forensics,"Hi. Im your prof. Im actually a social psychologist and I know nothing about forensics other than what I see on CSI. But I like the show, its good. I think I'll just read from the text and you follow along for 3 hrs?" <--- fuck.me.

5) Everytime I pay my tuition they insist I havent for 5 months straight and slap me with every late fine they possibly can then withhold my grades until I pay them more money. Conveniently enough they always seem to find the cash after I give them the non refundable late fees.

6) Profs have a tendancy of showing up to class either drunk or well on their way there.

And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. I can only hope that you kids looking for a university in the future overlook Carleton and its number one rating as the worst school in Canada (Thank you Macleans magazine)

I would only suggest Last Chance U if you were in journalism. I wouldnt even suggest going for the Poli Sci program because you'll find out soon enough its headed by pompous right wing assholes who will only give you a good grade if you swallow his elitist bullshit. I mean, you can always do quite well in the course so long as you are not an original and allow yourself to only believe what your professor tells you. Gotta love Carleton, where the K stands for Quality






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