20060908

All Good Things Must Come to An End...

I am retiring the blog for a while. I can't exactly say how long, and I have my own reasons for doing so but I thank you to all my fellow bloggers for making the past 3 years a trip.

Thanks once again, I wish you all the best

Ashley
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20060819

Update from the F-L-A

Ok, so terrorists didn't explode my plane
And terrorists didn't try setting their shoes on fire
And terrorists didn't try to smuggle Gatorade bottles full of napalm

But the food on the flights did suck and I hit a hell of a lot of turbulance

If that counts?

The flight here was fine I guess, I barely made it over the border because some overpaid customs Rent a Cop decided that today he was going to be a prick. He kept asking me the same questions over and over again then told me that it was suspicious of me to be going over the border with only one suitcase - that because I was "only a bartender" I had no real ties in Canada so I could easily just be trying to smuggle myself into the States

Right.

Like I'd want to live in your fucking country where just because someone has some goddamn cracker - jacks badge they think they own you

"Hey whitey - why don't you fuck off and spend more time harassing more suspicious looking folks than some 23 year old girl with a fucking campus card?"

Now, I'm not racist or anything either but on the last connecting flight here I thought I'd for sure have the entire row to myself since the flight was basically empty. Here I was all excited like to stretch my legs and relax on my way down when Muhammed Al-Sharia W?hathaveyou sits beside me clutching his bag like it carried the antidote in it.

That got me slightly worried

I know its not right to racially profile someone but fuck, come on - like you all wouldn't do the same. He looked really shifty, he kept darting his eyes back and forth the entire time on the flight so needless to say I kept my eyes on his shoes and bag the entire time

But I made it, I'm here now and it was my birthday yesterday so I'm old.

POISON is tomorrow and I'm stoked.
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20060810

My London Bridge is Falling Down

As it turns out I might not be going to Florida as scheduled.

My mom called me today freaking out asking me if I have seen the news lately which I have not because of work and she told me that the U.S. Gov't uncovered a Al Queda plot to blow up 10 U.S. National flights out of London on Continental, US Airways and United Airlines.

I always fly US Airways when I go to Florida.

So now when I fly (should I still decide to do so) I cannot take any shampoo or gel products with me, I cannot have a cell phone on my persons, I cannot have a stitch of carry on luggage (I can have a small purse and a magazine but thats it) and I'll have to make it to the border to fly out 2 hours in advance just in case.

This is seriously the creepiest and one of the scariest things to ever hit my reality. We were all affected by 9/11 - every single one of us - but the reality of a new 9 / 11 hitting home scares me to no end. I don't want to be in a 14 / 06 movie, I want to go back to the days of worrying about a wing maybe falling off or an emergency landing. I dont want to be worrying that some guy might try to light his shoes on fire.

Fuck.
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20060802

Take that, bitches!

Finally, a new fucking update. I've had nothing to report the past few days since I've been working and getting my shit together for Florida.

Leaving in 2 weeks baby for an all expense paid trip to the sunny skies, the white beaches and the blue waters.

Worship me.

Anyways, today was the second court date dealing with all the landlord bullshit from my last place. Today I was proudly sitting on the "Applicant" side, otherwise known as the "You bitches are going down" side.

My old landlord and his skeezy lawyer with his mocking grin both walked in as though they were at a fucking cake walk and were the only ones in the circle. I played the whole "doe eyed bambi hunters just shot my mom" look as though I was naive enough to actually think I might have a sympathy vote.

We all waited around for about 2 hours waiting for a mediation room when we just got tired of sitting in that goddamn tribunal room so I approached the lawyer and asked if he wanted to talk things out privately and save ourselves some time. He agreed and I wanted to smack that fucking smirk off his face with my new heels but I just smiled and led him to the lion's den.

Once we got in there he said, "So how much are you willing to settle for then?" (remember: the last time I was in there I lost and owed them 600 plus the 200 dollar application fee) Thinking this was going to be an easy fight I looked him right in the eye and said,

"I'm willing to settle for you paying half of the settlement"

The look on his face was fucking priceless! He was like, "What the hell do you mean you're willing to let my client pay for half of it??"

I said, "I agree that I gave your client my two months notice 2 weeks late and I agree to pay for those two weeks. I however do not agree that I should pay the rest of the rent amount owing since I already paid my last months rent upon signing the lease and I wasn't in any way hindering them from showing the apartment or renting it out. I was out when I said I was going to be out and I think that me only paying half is completely jusitifed."

By now the lawyers thinking Im fucking crazy or something and he goes, "I dont think that's very reasonable at all"

I said, "I don't think its reasonable that your client screwed with me from day one by renting me an apartment that was unavilable and willingly took my first and last months rent for that place. I dont think its reasonable that your client attempted to illegally increase my rent by 200$ a month, I dont think its reasonable that I had to spend my few days off looking for a place to live,pay for a moving company and lose $400 because I moved out on a nite that I should have been working. I do however think its reasonable that I pay for the 2 weeks late notice and only half of the application fee since you are the ones that dragged me here."

End: "doe eyed Bambi" look
Cue: "you're screwed mother fuckers" look

Lawyer-man then tells me that he still thinks its unreasonable and he wants us to go to trial.

I said, "Fine - I can wait as long as it takes for us to actually have my case heard, its my day off I've got all the time in the world"

That unsettled look crossed his face once more and he looked pissed! It was fucking fantastic! He went bright red with anger and I swear to God I think he wanted to bitch slap me.

Before he could even say another word my old landlord agreed to let me only pay for the 2 weeks which was 300$ and half of the application fee. He told his lawyer that he wasn't waiting any longer to just sign the damn agreement and get out of there.

Victory is mine.
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20060725

So NoToriOus

Tori Spelling came in on Sunday nite and chilled on the patio with her new love toy husband.

It amazes me, the whole "celebrity reaction". Most of the girls I work with were talking about how exciting it was and were making excuses to walk outside

Dont get me wrong, I snuck a peek but mainly to see how plastic she looked in person. She's actually a very nice girl as is her husband but lets be honest: She was famous through her late father and for her valley girl sitcom in the 80's. I wasn't jumping up and down holding a napkin and ballpoint squealing for an autograph.

Mind you, if Tommy Lee or Johnny Depp walked in there's a good chance I'd lose my job because I would be dry humping the shit out of those boys.

I've just never understood the human fascination with celebrities. I read the tabloids because I find them to be amusing. "Ooooh that bitch took my man so I'm going to date this guy and Lindsay is sucking a different c*ck each day, look at Paris she's naked!" Its the same shit, different week. Trash TV and Mag's are like a stand up routine you can read/watch over and over again.

The only time I can recall becoming tongue tied and falling over my own face when meeting a celebrity was the time I ran into Johnny Knoxville at Universal Studios in Florida. I ran up to him, just kind of stared at him as if to say something and all I managed to get out was, "You're Johnny Knoxville..." he just looked at me, said "Yep" and walked away. I wanted to take a hot bath and scrub myself clean for being such a fucking loser. I blame that on the fact that I think he's ridiculously hot so like any girl I didn't know what to say

But Tori Spelling?

C'mon.
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20060720

Hypocrisy amongst the ranks

Surprise Surprise

The skinniest, most fucked up looking, trans gender tart on Canada's Top Model won the low fat, sugar free, 0 cal cake last nite.

The one that the judges said needed to eat a sandwich.

I guess that looks good on air right?

"We don't want to send a message to all the young impressionable girls that watch this show that the only way you'll get ahead in life and in this business is if you are rail thin and vomit up all of your wheat crackers"

She's super skinny and goes against everything we are trying to teach these young ladies but fuck it, lets vote her in anyways. She'll only have some lame ass modeling contract holding a Canadian Beaver for a Tim Horton's commerical anyways.

Its fucking sick that these people can be such goddamn hypocrites. Don't tell the bitch to eat a sandwich then reward her for not eating. Pavlov would roll over in his fucking grave if he saw how poorly his operant conditioning was being used.

Whatever, anyways GO DILANA! On Rock Star Supernova. I'm fucking addicted to that show!
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20060717

I might be drunk, but you're still ugly

I'm still technically on a haitus, but what the hell, its 330 am and I'm still awake so here's a little candy for my chillin's

Basically I'm on a hiatus for many reasons

I've got way too much personal shit happening right now that I can't even begin to explain. The main bartender quit where I work so I have been pulling extra shifts like a hooker on Vanier. I've been putting in 50 - 60 hour weeks which is fucking crazy when you work at a bar and are consistently on your feet. In fact, I could have sworn my feet were giving me the finger this morning when I woke up

On top of that I've been trying to mingle in the single scene and let me tell you this: All of the attractive, intelligent, good humored and kind men in Ottawa are either

1) Taken or..

2) Gay


It honestly makes me want to become a lesbian


Its seriously a fact of life, if you aren't willing to scrape the bottom of the proverbial barrel you're destined to be one of those bitter bar maids working in a cheap ass diner on a street corner with 50 cats

Hell, I've already started naming mine.

Most of the men I've encountered are either dumb as shit or are just looking for some bimbo that can smile, twirl her hair and say "Oh yah!" when they pinch her ass. I can honestly say I've never twisted my hair a day in my life and if you pinch my ass there's a good chance a slap may follow....and not of the good kind either

So as it stands right now I'm a little too preoccupied with life and all its fun little fuck ups to really update my blog. But I promise once I figure out what the fuck is going on and why the fuck I should give a damn I'll update more.

Thanks for sticking around,

-A
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